Exceptionally ungifted.

2005-10-07T23:44:00.000+08:00

moved.

2005-09-05T12:22:00.000+08:00

It's just really funny but, you just don't know why you end up reading the blogs of people you don't like. It's like such a dumb thing to do but you still do it.

I'm wondering why.

I'm flying to Perth at 9.20am in the morning and reaching land of Aussies at about 2pm. -Sighs. The feeling of bliss is so near and yet so motherfuckingly far.

No more online chatting and msning... Just you and me. ((= It's making me too excited!!

On the other hand, smarty pants Fiona Ee didn't even apply for her Australian Visa Hahaa.. fuckanathan... I'm so afraid I might get deported 'cause I don't have a visa. But I applied it online last night so I hope they approve it and so I can print it by tonight.

I can't wait... I'm talking to Fenny now and she wants me to drop-in at her Sydney thingamagic and then we'll go to Goldcoast... land of rollercoaster rides. I'm fucking broke larh, I only have my debit card... So smart of me.

I just wanna leave here right now and get greeted to your warm embrace.

School's officially ended and I've been around really nice people. On Friday itself, the whole buncha people from design chilled at Marche's, wasn't that fab but it'll do. I'll try to name the people there: J.Ong, Chai, Junhao, Dorothy, StephG, Ping, Christina, Dom.. I can't remember who else.

But after that was a super cute experience. (=

And then I went to meet the Queens in Black but Black was fullhouse by fucking 1130-not even yet. And I was quite furious 'cause no one answered my calls and I decided to go meet Noell 'cause he seemed rather free.

But no.........................!! Noell had his meeting on and thus creating an ultra peeved me. So I went home and chatted with Dale. I know my life is quite sad. Then at 2++am Noell called but I was sleeping then 'cause I've been tired almost every other day before school ended.

So, the end. I'm was really mad at them. Really angry.

Saturday was a whole day dedicated to my baby nephew, Marc, who is so cute. But he has this ickish Mom. God, I hate my cousin-in-law.

Then I met the girls after showering, baby poo and meeting best friends don't go.

Joll and PJ, oh man, haven't seen them in so long. After missing them last night 'cause they left their bags in their lockers I resigned to my fate that being best friends meant easy forgetting smallish minimalistic tantrums.

I felt kinda odd at first. 'Cause they kept going on and on about things I haven't heard about before. And not to mention I was the only one not talking at all.. I had only that much fun during the time of the night. But it all went away after some time and I managed to have my fair share of fun.

I don't blame you guys.. we might ultimately drift apart but you'll always have a special place in my hearts as my special people. I really wanna spend it with you guys in it.

Yesterday was good. Cher, Mar, Fadh, Hannah? went to the Zouk Flea Market together and had a whole chunk of fun, Sam, if you were there it might have been so much more fun, at least I know for me...

I ate alot.

I just kept laughing and laughing. I think catching up is so important, thoroughly enjoyed the day. We went for the Victoria Secrets sale and it was fucking lousy. Everything was double D size. THANKS AH.

Cher and I hugged really tightly before I left, I haven't seen her in so long. It's amazing how we still can connect this way. Thanks (=.

It's one more day to Perth. I'll miss you guys.

Then there are idiots who think their just being cool

2005-08-27T15:48:00.000+08:00

Change of plans altogether!

I'm meeting Dale as soon as I get allowance from Daddy. God I love the two men of my life. Dad's giving me extra spending money too and it's really good good cash. The saddest thing is only that the shopping in Perth isn't much to look forward to!

Then I'll come back when the results are out - no idea when though. Marketing is so fucked.

After I'm done with the supp paper (which I'm praying that I won't even need to go for), I can fly straight to Bangkok to visit and have some good Father-Daughter timeout with tha Dad.

I can't promise you guys that everyone will get what they want but I'll try as much as possible.

Some of the things I'll be doing in Perth:

Eating good food. Like beef, and all sorts of dairy products to make us fatter.
Finding and hunting for things to buy back home.
Shopping for summer clothes, (no.. I've never heard of Aussie fashion fest either).
I wanna get tanned under the cancerous sun. Maybe just for a half hour.
Doing some photography! I'm bringing black and white film!
ACTUALLY I haven't much to do, have I?
Oh, driving down South. I can't wait.
Of course spending time with him.

In bangkok:

Shopping!!!? Siam Square and my fave malls.
And getting myself inked there but I'm afraid I'll get infected by the dirty needles maybe I should do it here instead.
Massage.
Pray for blessings from the four-faced buddha.
Have that good congee Dad brought me to the last time.
Time with Daddykins veronica-style.

Yeah Sam, I wish I was as relaxed as everyone else is. I tense up damn quickly I dunno why! God and I miss you please meet up before I leave for Perth. (= I love!

Bye bye happiness.

2005-08-24T11:59:00.000+08:00

Mmms plans for my bkk and perth trip have to either be pushed back to brought forward 'cause school has other undisclosed plans for me. I abhor being torn in two.

-Sigh.

School really isn't my cup of tea. I hate the fact that 'cause of my selfish negligence to school's demanding workload I have to now, wait up here in mainland sgp till results are collated and finally released.

I wish I spent more time on school, oh... everyone procrastinates when it's too late.

And... I am how apologetic to Dale. What seemed to be a dream for 2 months of a mirthful fairytale is shortened to 2 weeks of squished anxiety. I'm so sorry.... it's all my fuckin' fault for not listening in and handing up assignments conscientiously.

I have to push back seeing Dale but visit Dad still during the time while I wait for the results to be out. I want a teleporting machine that transcends through time and pauses it as I like.

I am in such a sorry and sad state now I would hate for anyone else to step on my toes, really. Not only will I explode in a tantamount and threaten to suffocate with my bare hands and thus causing your death as well as mine, nah. I'll save that for something else.

I'm just really peeved at my stupid actions.

I'm so fuckin' in agony with myself. I want a break now away from school and sgp. Bye

Two adults and a kid.

2005-08-22T22:45:00.000+08:00

A first grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asks, "Harry what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!" Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third grade."
Ms Brooks says to the principal, "No, no! Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.

Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
The principal is breaking out in a sweat.

Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"

Ms Brooks: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
The principal's eyes open wide!!!
Harry: Coconut

Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubblegum

Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Harry: Shake hands.

Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.

Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent

Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring

Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. Harry: Nose

Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow

Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?

The principal is about to faint !
Harry: Fire truck

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Harry to university, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Give me back what you owe me. You blob.

2005-08-11T23:21:00.000+08:00

Last night was a killer can. I did so much work but then when I was sure I was gonna complete it, I napped and overslept which didn't make completing drawing funds assignment any possible.

Eck, scrape it. I still went on down to school with no materials whatsoever and basically turned up to slack and of course get my attendance marked. Nothing else really mattered, I just didn't want to save my ass from debarment.

I'm still on it though, the work I mean haha. Shikes.

I was on the phone with Ping when the second bus finally came and guess who I met? (clue: very coincidental) Ping! It is how cool larh.

Anyway Dale called me and I was really happy. I don't get that many calls from him anymore so I feel really elated when I see an oversea call indication. Oversea calls mirth me (very wrong vocab arrangement), whatever mirth you.

Calls from Dad, Dale, Tompal, Fen, Irene.s and even the occasional Mul or Koh somehow lights up my day. I feel like I'm part of their lives just by a simple phonecall, that's how easy being friends with me is. Haha.

Ping and I spent lots of quality time together today! We click really well, it's really just the small things that make things work. Thanks for today! (= We had dinner at gardens and we ate my favourite stuff! I hope they were great recomendations doke!

I'm so content with life. I have my Queens, my international TIMFF, my very lovely significant other and such beautiful creatures lurking around and giving me so much energy to keep on going. Thank you!

Long-distance bizmo

2005-08-09T09:21:00.000+08:00

It's Singapore's birthday hooray to it. But really?

I'm relieved that it's a public holiday! God. Had it not been - I would die trying to complete my photohoots (4 motherfucking rolls) and Marketing Business proposal shit.

And I hate Norton Virus for popping up every single time I start up the computer. Great. What a good way to start the day - procrastinating and complaining about everything. This is the Singaporean way of saying good day mate.

Well, so to speak.

Sick and tired of people telling me that my relationship's not gonna work. Which brings me to another topic altogether, to not ever mention the word LDR short for Long Distance Relationships.

I am so motherfuckingly dumb. It's like I enquire in the most inappropriate manner ever and I don't accept their opinion when they answer it in their most honest tone.

Maybe I just love reassuring myself that I really love him and it's not gonna end so abruptly as compared to other very short-lived squeezes. It is so lovely to have him 'cause he is so pleasant and makes my day so perfect.

I stayed in school till 11 to complete typography (OH MY GOD SO HAPPY - finished that fuckin' assignment), so Justin and I went to have dinner at Bedok which wasn't actually dinner really. His friends came and I was bored and went home in hope to catch the last bus.

Which I didn't even have a glimpse of. I reached the interchange at 11.47 but the last one took off WITHOUT ME at 11.40. Sometimes I think to myself - why can't buses just work 24 hours a day? Then again, it would be so unfair.

Okay, so I cabbed home and called Dale the moment I reached home. Someone said he was missing me but I suspect it was 'cause I was with Justin and his friends.

I'm done with using calling cards. They are so costly and I talk for 35 minutes a 10 dollar card. Nah, I'll just use the usual internet telephony though it's kinda shitty at times. But if it works and it doesn't burn a hole in my pocket, fuck it being shitty.

The call ended before cutting off with a rude dial tone. I abhor rude dial tones they make me feel so minute to technology.

Anyway I almost died with the worst ever migraine striking upon me. So I slept almost immediately after the call 'cause I was so tired from the entire days' hectic workload. And I didn't shower.

My poor sofa bed.

I woke up at 8 and ate pathetic leftovers from last morning. Now I'm off to complete more brain controlling assignments.

Oh, and I love you. (=

Hey let's meet at the other side!

2005-08-07T01:14:00.000+08:00

Yes what a fugly layout. But really the whole-make-your-own-layout thingamajic was getting such an eyesore. And besides I don't even blog as often as I used to anymore.

It's quite clever of me not to spend too much time on this.

But heaven forbids larh. I shall have some photos posted soon. As far as I'm concerned, since my social life has stopped expanding being the outcast I am getting quite accustomed to now I still want my friends to continue learning more about me.

And what's so good about this new layout? It's just about as shiok as stealing a layout! No hassle! And no worries about people stealing any other layouts I used to have.

I am now waiting for Dale to go home to come online after the rugby match he went to watch with his rugby friends in Perth. Apparently, he claims that he is very sad that All Blacks' lost to South Africa. Not only did I not console him, I even hurled abuse at him and he was nonchalant.

Much to my dismay, he didn't throw a violent temper at me. If you know Dale well enough, it's really quite difficult to beat him to an angry beaver 'cause he has never once lost his cool. Only once he told me, when he was 16 and he almost whacked the pulp out of his mom but hesitated and never once it crossed his mind again.

Well, maybe it's 'cause he's so nice that I've fallen deeply in love with him.

Another note though, his mother is hilarious. I read the last of his emails (only he doesn't know I'm a regular fan of his inbox) and his mom, Christine or Xtine as I affectionately call her, jotted down a few lines of care and concern for her only son.

She talks about her own nagging and it's really quite queer that she notices her own flaws. Like how her son should take more greens, less coke and cook his own home-cooked meals instead of the usual cholesterol-ridden fatty rich foods the Aussies eat.

And she mentioned to cut down on smoking. And how she's been reading the papers about how men in their 20s are dying due to lung cancer and how there's this talkshow on the radio recently and the girls calling in to complain how they hate to kiss their boyfriends' stinky breathe.

And she proceeds to ask the weirdest question - Does your girlfriend complain about it too? - Oh my god, I am how disgusted.

Well for starters, I know Xtine hates me for I am not christian I suspect without any grounds. She caught us making out in his room one day and she opened the damned door and we were so embarrassed.

... (beyond words could barely describe). I am glad though, that she mentions me.

I sent her a birthday card just after Dale had left for Perth and she replied it apologising her harsh remarks to me in the past. And there I am blaming myself for allowing such a hazard (carelessly leaving a return address) with the greeting card I spent a motherfucking 15 bucks on.

Inside, she offers me her blessings and an extra cellphone number of hers. I pissed in my pants. 'If I needed someone to talk to' - the last person I'd talk to was her. I had to thank her so I sent her a message and it was never replied how embarrassing.

I've changed my numbers since then. I wonder what she thinks of me giving her an expired number to call in regards to her son.

I have digressed too much for a day.

Ask me to link you, I've forgotten who I often visit suddenly.

Go insane and out of your mind.

2005-07-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

It's Sunday already?! Oh my god it's been 3 weeks and 2 days since he's been gone. I sometimes amaze myself with such undying affection.

I'm watching Lilo and Stitch on the telly and they are talking about Bolongnese. I want to have that tomms, for lunch. Haha what apt planning, only I didn't remember my intent of skipping school so I could promptly complete all other assignments on time. Besides, Visual Composition isn't that difficult. I know what's the next assignment and it has got everything to do with the next assignment due. Yeah.

I'm an undiscovered child prodigy. Only, I'm not a child and my IQ is 120. I swear, I'm quite stupid even. I'll take my statement back now that I've convinced myself otherwise.

I never knew that TomYam Nissin noodles were fattening. Holy fuck? I used to think since it was bad for nutrition, it wasn't gonna pile on - I was wrong.

So wrong I found this excruciating piece of news very disheartening. Not only have I eaten more than 10 cups this year, I feel my body expanding rapidly. Thanks bestfriends for telling me anyway. I think I have to be Welly Welly Carepull whatever I ingest in future.

Meanwhile, school is taking a toll on me. I'm thinking of how obviously I'm pulling my GPA grades down for my diploma if I don't buck up, it gets to me that not everyone is lazy like I am.

Alright I'm scooting.

Sam, please take care of yourself.

Nononono Don't phunk with mah heart.

2005-07-28T20:18:00.000+08:00

Changed numbers.

I have 2 major assignments due tomms but I've done nothing about. Oh my god. This is getting serious, why the fuck am I online? Okay bye.

Reasons why Fionaa Ee Ping Ping has been fat since Primary One.

2005-07-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

At the tender age of 3, I had Ovaltine powder mixed with condensed milk for meal in betweens. It was so good, I swear when I think of it now - it's like euphoria.
I skipped TAF club all the time.
I was so fucking fat and lazy that I made my driver carry my bag to school every single morning.
In the good ol' days of St.Nicks' we had ice cream, no I mean real ice-cream not the gay kinds you get from Wall's. Like bloody gallons of them in tubs. The norms bought them at a dollar but I was a smart aleck and paid two bucks because I wanted more cream to fill the fattie up.
Then there was weekly brunch sessions at whichever hotels.
Everyday after school, my driver would come pick me up and we'll be off to Thomson Yaohan (the name non-existent now anyway) where I meet my Mom in the salon. And I'll buy 2 chocolate donuts at the 4 leaf-ed bakery thingy.
Then there are supermarket shopping sprees where even two damned trolleys aren't enough for our 'essentials'.
Every Saturday night, we'd rent an LD (also non-existent now) and watch it till 2 or 3. And the whole family (this was when Dad was still part of us) will drive out in the middle of the night in our pyjamases' for our midnight suppers.
After school in when I was still in St.Nicks', I camped at MacDonald's outside with a bunch of friends and I'd treat them with Extra Value Meals. I was such a tyrant I tell you.
I bought 2 bucks worth of WanTan's (can u imagine each at 20c) and 2 bucks of the delicious chicken they have. HELLO TELL ME HOW NOT TO BE FAT.
When I was bored Joll and I would buy snacks to eat upstairs in class. But I was always the crazy one with the egg mayo sandwich. I sometimes wonder why I'm still alive.
Then there was the sinful Curry Chicken Bee Hoon. Waa lan eh, that's good stuff man.
When everyone was out in their PE attires, I'd feign a faux tummy ache and not want to exercise. I had silver in Pri4 subsequently I had bronzes. Haha.
Then there were free high teas at the fashion shows Mom had secret invitations to. The Har Gao was all MINE!
I had a Coke everyday.
And I had Bandung at home every night.

I'm disgusting everyone! Haha. Yucks I was such a sick child.

Syndromic

2005-07-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

I just woke up! My sleeping hours are screwed but what else isn't already?

Drinking home made barley, the only drink I hate so bad. But apparently it has cooling qualities so, if I can learn to gradually love greens, what more Barley. But it gets to you when you start sinking down to the bottom of the drink where the ice cannot penetrate through the thick mirkiness of the drink.

I'm not making sense am I. Plus if you backtrack it does sound a little erotic.

I haven't met up a whole bunch of people in a really long time! Like J, Faani, Jo, Noell, Koh, and the TeeTah gang haha (miss those carefree days), Tim, Greg (my gay friend whose number I lost), Jas (I sort of miss you).

Erm, I haven't seen such people who entwine my life with such fun. Really must make time for everyone sometime.

But sorry ah time is a motherfucking constraint in my dictionary ain't got no time for nothing! Other than in 5 weeks, visiting Dale in Perth. Everyone go awwwwww.

During that 5 weeks, everyone in design school is undergoing torment.. 'cause FINAL SUBMISSION is so number one. If you screw up, you SCREW school. I'm making things sound so grim. Actually not that bad larh, I should relax.

Okay lac one corner.

Something really weird happened today. This crazy xiao jie called me and started ranting on and on about how she talked to me about cholesterol this afternoon in the toilet. Her name is, Karen and she got my number from Guoyi.

WHO THE FUCK IS GUOYI PLEASE.

Okay, nevermind, before we clarified that he punched in the wrong number she was going nonstop about whether I remember and I didn't deny it at all. It didn't help that I'm quite a good and habitual liar (I'm not kidding...).

Tell me, how can it ever be possible that Fiona and Fion has exactly the same number save from one digit?? Sometimes it's weird that everyone has your number somehow.

Nevermind that, today, the bus driver RALLIED. I swear. He was going so fast I couldn't stop myself from falling off the seat. And the uncle next to me also damn funny, everytime he went a little quicker we both held onto the rails. It was like super funny.

I kept laughing to myself incoherently, the guy next to me kept glancing over to make sure my sanity was kept where it's perimeters are limited to.

School was okay other than it's been raining elephants and monkeys for quite some time now!

Luckily there are days when I meet nice people like Meiyan and Clarence who'll accompany me all the way from the first of my stops to school! Oi who says I never blog about you haha. Meiyan and I although we haven't a single class we click damn well.

I guess it's the company. I guess it really is. And the fact that one damn childish girl is around to spice up your life in school really make things even more saucy. And we sure do know which ONE GIRL this bitch is. Ewwww.

PJ>>
Haha.. Please man damn funny please. I eat eat eat like crazy now. It's quite scary. Can't wait, meet this Fri prata can, gardens for supper. I feel like having my Ice Limmou. Haha spelling is long gone larh.

Lynn>>
I remember. I SO remember. Haha you came over and wanted to eat cup noodles and my dog was angry. Haha. Damn funny. SHRIVELLING?

Ice Ice baby..

2005-07-17T16:30:00.000+08:00

Title was random. Don't blame me, I'm random.

So anyhooo, lots of updates since last entry 'cause.. many things happened and I'm happily not keeping abreast with all the hottest gossips.

Dale and his Perth.
Queens meeting adjourned TFN (till further notice).
School term break. (=
Shopping and how allowance dissipitates into long receipts.
Clubbing with Queens, Lee Keong and friends.
Food food food that I cannot deny.
Dan's homecoming!

Dale and Perth
My lover left me. Beah. I'll only get to see him in November and I'm quite cross about that just 'cause I won't get his hugs and his neverending love in sgp. Plus I'm always so afraid of the worst to come, that is, my straying.

Wells, on the upside though - he's been calling me everyday, sometimes 3 times a day (like medication). Haha so much for worrying about him casting me aside. And the calls are always so long, I'm so worried about the bills. Besides he isn't rich or anything.

I guess I've found love and solace in a patient man. He warms me up with his embraces and cools me down when my moodswings turn sour. And when we're together, everything is right.

Thanks for being the patient person that you are and you have been. I can't wait to visit you during my vacation! Really.

Queens meeting
Somehow the four of us never get to meet up at once. One person will definitely be out of it. It really is quite sad that we all have such weird schedules to meet. But you girls know it, that no matter what it is, our love will enver cease.

I've grown to realise how important your company is. Though we may have our differences and we belong to different sets of people, we somehow have grown to be very dependant on one another. I guess we're one special group of people I'll never sacrifice.

Joll, Sam, PJ, you're my sunshine after the rain. Thanks for tolerating my crap sometimes and thanks for being there for me. Cheers to many more years of fantastic bonding.

School term break
I AM WASTED SERIOUSLY, it's Sunday and I've touched zero of my assignments. I'm feeling as jaded as jaded can be. God please help me through this tough time. I've done nothing but pure slacking. Time to hit the work!

Shopping
Wow. Haha I love this word. It's my hobby and I wish I had the ability to do it every other day. I'm quite horrible when it boils down to shopping excessively. The moment dad credits money into my bank I go crazy and start buying everything thought possible.

I bombed 300 on Rocky. As if my dog needs anything more?

Then there's shopping for my two brothers' birthday presents. Shopping for myself mostly. I can buy truckloads of clothes but, I really would continue wearing the same things as per normal. Haha. It's like a routine.

I love shopping.

Clubbing
It was good. That night was quite great but I wasn't much of a future onlooker for the attire I was in didn't help very much when I was on the dancefloor. But the company was good and there was eyecandy. And I saw familiar faces and I was again, the teetotaller as I always were.

Lee Keong and us went to eat Frog Leg Porridge and Beef Hor Fun in Geylang. Waaa shiok, then we had prata. Then he sent us back. Thanks for everything dude!

Food
After the very miraculous help of prunes, my digestion is working it's way back to normality again! I am so happy 'cause now I can finally enjoy food again. It has been so long since my bowel movements are regular and I'm so happy now. (= (I'm sorry if this paragraph has been obscene)

Koh
Hello!!!!!!!!!! My best friend from all over the world. I dunno what to say but please call me out soon. I lost your number 'cause I stored it in the other phone and you are dropping by soon that I know 'cause your mom called me to inform me of the news hehe!

My boo's leaving.

2005-07-08T00:16:00.001+08:00

Like seriously, now that he's finally leaving I can't seem to be able to handle his departure very well. I am not a very factual person, really.

I'm so in love with this person who was there for me most unexpectantly and warmed me up ever so gently. It's the 3 special words I've spoken that took me so much courage to admit.

Wells, school.. actually I am driving myself crazy. I'm not planning my time properly so my work just piles up excessively that it kindda is unhealthy for whatever reason. My indigestion is getting from bad to worse due to irregular meals.

Like seriously, everything is wrong.

My life IS in a mess. And this is not just a figure of speech. It's really very very bad. I'm daydreaming at the most inappropriate times. Sleeping too much even whenever I ain't supposed to!

Fucking balls, I'm not even supposed to be blogging but I'm blogging anyway because it's what you call an obligation to update this stupid thing I have which for an advertent reason IS NOT EVEN IMPORTANT.

I haven't clubbed in so long but it doesn't matter 'cause I don't like it that much anyway. To go is to submit to my peers. I know it sounds like so tragic.

Look, I have this fuckload of work to do but everything else has come to an entire foolstop 'cause I'm so messed up and disorganized.

To add injury to my already maggot infested wounds I have to send him off, probably crying my way back. It's gonna be a LONNGGGG way more for me. November.. that's like so long. It's like a bad joke - it bites you and let's you stay on the thought.

I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO. I think I might die before I click publish.

MIGHT.

Let's see, my schedule for tomorrow is to return Ping's thumbdrive and submit the assignment. I'm skipping Typo again for the god-knows-how-many-timeth, I'd better get myself an MC. Sheesh. I really like the fact that I have school now but it really is super draining.

Come Friday - which it has been for the last 40 minutes - a love-hate relationship will like cook itself up. He's leaving and my term break commences. I really have this much to gripe with, it's hurting me so bad I can't concentrate at all.

I'm so in love with you.

I'm so deeply enchanted by every single moment we've spent in our little faerie world. Magnificento. Addictive.

On the other hand, I'm looking forward to meet my Queens. Please you guys we must catch up, I really really miss you guys so much, I know I've been neglecting every single one of you (inclusive of sammo please). But please please please, try to understand that he is only gonna be here for this little bit...

I'll call you guys on errrr... Wednesday? I can club. I will club no matter how I don't fancy the whole thing. Please I need you guys.

Replied Meiyen and Crys in last entry!

Baby, don't you wanna dance upon me

2005-06-29T20:49:00.000+08:00

I'm crazy! I snipped my nails off again.

I haven't been online for leisure purposes in like such a long time, everything's getting dusty and un-used. And (digressing...) I just had my dinner. Feeling absolutely fab. I need a jog but I'm so seriously lazy.

School is a drag as usual, nothing much to report.

I've got a whole drawing blocks' of work to continue on tonight. So not looking forward, but it's like due tomorrow, not much of a choice have I. Drawing fundamentals can I eat you up like I ate the cookies in the cookie pot???

Such a cold joke.

I have 1 more minute left.

Before it's 9 and I'm gonna start on my assignment. I want to tell sam, pj and joll that I love them although I don't have much time to hang out nowadays, fuck tonight sommore supposed to club. Sorry ah my english very broken, when I'm in a rush I really gan cheong.

I like to move it, move it.

2005-06-24T22:32:00.000+08:00

I will always have my doubts about matters that even I have completely covered.

I developed my first photos today. Fresh from the oven baked to a crisp. Fantastic, the shots turned out good, the test strips weren't wasted at all. I'm truly enlightened by photography and I so am loving every bit of it.

That aside.

School has been reallllllly hectic. I have no social life at all and the only thing I wanna do after lectures is head home for a powernap, wake from it and wander back into school work.

It's no wonder I'm turning to fags for comfort.

My head's been doing a lot of thinking. I'm thinking, I'm nineteen and I already this zonked and tired of life and keep talking about reaching nirvana soon. What the fuck, am I really gonna die? And can I stop from myself from being healthy by detoxifying every other day..?

Ah fuck, I think design school isn't for the faint-hearted at all. It inhibits death.

Bye guys, I just can't wait for the talk later, my talk with my honeystar.

Inadequacy consumes me halfway

2005-06-21T01:44:00.000+08:00

I made myself a selfish decision, that, to break up with him meant the better of us. I'm in twangs of remorse and guilt for breaking his heart before he leaves.

I had to admit that his inability to surprise me and buy me unneccesary and mushy stuff contributed to my conclusion, which is still very clouded as of now.

I tried so hard not to cry but I obviously couldn't. Looking at his FUCKING blur face made me want to kill myself.

He surprised me today... the day I wanted to break up with me. He wrote me a very sweet card and gave me 2 presents. What a queer coincidence, I hope my thoughts didn't meet in his dreams last night 'cause I never mentioned this MAJOR MAJOR flaw in our relationship to anyone before.

I waited three-hours today for him, that was basically the final straw. When I've made my decision, I don't waiver easily.

So, now I guess there's no need for you to buy me a webcam now when you're there...

He's leaving on the 9th. Kindda fast huh? I guess it is. I guess my excuse for breaking up with him is so lame i should ride on camels with 5 humps behind them. It's... I don't think I know you well enough. I mean what the fuck he kept asking why why why why. How the fuck do I know why, I just made that part up larh.

I am so screwed up.

I feel so sad I think I'm falling sick. I think I have to skip school tmr. I am sooo goddamned tired.

I LOVE DOKES!

2005-06-17T16:19:00.000+08:00

WELLS. I AM IN TH MACLAB AND I AM BORED BALLS. FIRSTLY, THE LECTURER IS NOT HERE (DAMNED PHEK GEK). SECONDLY, I CANNOT DOWNLOAD MSN!! WHAT THE FUCK LARH.

I AM IN ANGST.

SO ANYWAY, I FUCKIN' FAGGED IN THE STUDIO WITH ALL OF THEM TODAY. IT FEELS KINDDA FUNNY SMOKING THERE. SORRY I DON'T MEAN TO SMOKE THAT MUCH BUT SCHOOL IS REALLY KILLING ME. (I AM SORRY TO ALL THE FRIENDS WHOM I TOLD AM NOT SMOKING ANYMORE.)

Aiyo.

I think I sound so sadistic. I realise that I am damn unsociable in school. But seriously I don't really care larh. I used to think coming here was gonna be like the turning point of my life. But when I'm in here it seems everything else is going downhill. I am stressed up till here (points at head).

I REGRET SMOKING I WANT WHITE CLEAN HEALTHY LUNGS TOO. MY CURRENT PACK WILL BE THE LAST ONE OKAY? SERIOUS.

I am so random I think I should stop blogging bye.

Ayu>>
I want free drinks please. Haha I'm such a fuckin cheapskate.

International (wo)man of mystery.

2005-06-14T00:18:00.000+08:00

I kept coughing the whole of today, I must be fuckin' sick.
But it's an oddity that there wasn't phelgm, my body's in denial.

I kept feeling cold today, I guess it's 'cause I want you to hold me closer.
How wonderful it would be if the world consisted only the two of us, for today.

Been living in paranoia - fear of losing Someone again.

It's like everything's coming to a naught, but it's the irony that what feels like it just begun that makes it bittersweet. I don't know what I'm saying, I think I'm growing onto him too much at an alarming speed.

We're seeing each other every damned day, and I used to think it was silly AND impossible how anyone could be around their significant other's company all night and day. I was wrong.

I don't want him to go. But it's for the better. And I could probably concentrate on my school work better.

As he said, if we both try. Hell it would work. It didn't before, I hope it does this time round.

Enough about him, I'm afraid of sammo being jealous. ANYWAY... (we're watching PCK the musical later. Ha! Ha!)

I was reading a particular someone's blog. AND I AM HOW DISGUSTED. Never have I seen such horrific grammer in my life. And I actually know this someone, I haven't heard from X in a year now. It is very ........................ very.. very intriguingly attracting in a queer sort of way.

Why blog if the only thing you wanna do is draw attention? And in turn gain unwanted drama mama queens to your so-called virtual diary? Please wake up will you?

Fuck, the world's filled with fags. If you're interested to know who... ask me. I'll tell you. Jeopardize our relationship? Oh, right, like it even mattered in the first place.

i think i'm in love

2005-06-12T00:11:00.000+08:00

Hahahahaahahaa sorry for the scare please. We're more in love than ever.

So anyway, since he is leaving for Perth we're gonna be spending a lot of time together during the entire month of June. In July, it'll be lonesome-ness.

We talked about it. About his going away and what we intend to do about it. I jokingly commented 'Forget about it', and he was a sad. Haha, but seriously I'm not ready for another episode of Koh and invisible boyfriend.

July's too soon.

THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE U GUYS SHOWERED ME PLEASE I WILL NEVER FORGET ALL OF YOU. I am sounding a bit phoney but that's how I truly feel.

another one bites the dust

2005-06-05T03:25:00.000+08:00

I've given up hope.

This is the last time things are ever gonna look grim. Single again (= love love.

I am not gonna think about what happens nor am I gonna care about whoever. So tired of waiting without a solid reply so tired of being the new girlfriend. So now I can be another ex you seem so sad about, maybe not. Hahaa... whatever alright. Talk to the hands.

friendster horoscope is freaking me out

2005-06-01T23:10:00.000+08:00

Something you've been working awfully hard on could
get postponed -- or killed altogether. Be philosophical about it; at least you
get to start in on something new and different.

It's the beginning of the end.

Fuck. I'm already quite sure we're gonna spilt up and be as we were 4 months back. Strangers who know the other's name.

There's just this insignificance that I'm feeling in His life, plus the fact that He's gonna leave sooner than my holidays begin.

Bye bye to Our memories...

I'm not important... I know I ain't. But I'm sad to say, you're starting to grow onto me. I shouldn't be hanging on the edge, I might fall off to death.

come over here i got something to show you

2005-05-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

I'll hold you so tight
you can never fight.

I'm feeling very happy although it's been a long week for me. I'm happy 'cause He spends so much time with me and I'm feeling very elated for this. I know He cares for me and He truly loves.

But poor me.

Pity me for I can see him for another one more month before he leaves for Perth. He's leaving forever I think. I think I might die.

I made a selfish decision with the girls that night and I'm regretting every single word I've said. But I have my reserves still, I'm really afraid the other him is... beginning to like me. I hope my suspicion is not ever gonna be confirmed, I'm really hoping things are the way my mind thinks not.

Oh happy dayyyyyyyyyyyy.

2005-05-26T22:24:00.000+08:00

I miss my honeystar! He passed his driver's licence today and we're going to Mustafa later tonight. I am how excited.

Oh I logged in to Friendster and the horoscope is so accurate. I am getting a bit psyched by it. I am on a roll! Everything's feeling nice and airy. Haha, erotic eh.

Mmms. What happened. Let me try to recap... oh. School!

School was great got to know a new bunch of people. Ping, Margareth (I am gonna call her Margie whether she likes it or not) and a couple of others whom I really can't remember their names. I envision my pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

Their all really nice people. Or maybe that's how they all begin, so dang sweet and suddenly it dies of with a sourish taste nearing the death of it all. I hope it's not the case. Because I think I might cry.

I'm a softie ya know. Haha I sound so fuckin' affected mate.

Anyway, I'm to skip 2 lecture tomms if I'm to go to Mustafa tonight. Nooooooooo, this is baddd! I mustn't,... must tahan. Must.. My timetable is in a mess lah anyway.

Baby you should let me love you

2005-05-26T02:28:00.000+08:00

I am fuckin' tired but I actually mustered the energy to blog!!

TODAY IS THE LONGEST FUNNIEST STUPIDEST MOST REDUNDANT DAY OF MY LIFE. Care to listen? (I'll save that for later.)

Holyfuck I can type so fast now that my nails are so damned short.

Yesterday was like the first day of school. And I didn't get to break the ice with anyone (except for the seniors!!!), neither did I get to attend any lectures or tutorials 'cause I skipped them all since I was lazy. Haha.

My day was at the least pleasant, BECAUSE there was Ray, Sam's boyfriend. I think ah, if there wasn't him, MY LIFE IN POLY WOULD HAVE BEEN MILDLY SAD. So, thanks so much if you're reading. Thanks for introducing to me all the people and bringing me to interesting places and err showing me pornstars of design block.

I have, though, spotted someone cute. Haha. Siao tell you for what.

Eh, that's one in a zillion I've seen so far okay. The school sooooooooooooooooo BIG, and one for my eyes. Plus (hello??) there was hand contact in the lift to my lecture with this guy. Waa my heart go thump thump thump in acceleration. Not a freshie, thank the clouds.

My day started off with my going to school for no sordid reason at all. I thought there was a class, BUT, I misread it. So I went to school for, NOTHING. Fine, I'm not even pissed about that, then I went to visit my Granny. We lunched at the foodcourt and she was a happy person. <3

Then I had another class at 3, that's when I met Mister-so-cute. I lost my way and sat in a completely wrong class. Ohmy god. Was I embarrassed or what when I just anyhow took a seat.

I finally found my class in which I initially firmly rejected the lecturer when he asked me like 2 minutes' before if I were in Color class. There was no hole to dig my damned head into. Needless to say, everyone else in class looked at one another with puzzled little gazes.

Waaa luckily I met a Denice and that was outside, haha, she lost her way too! Then, a new friend found. Then subsequently there was Sharon and Sherry and Eileen and Justin. That's all my brain can take.

Denice, like me, skipped orientation. Hello can you see a common topic.....?

Lecture was dumb just lots of introduction WHICH WAS DAMN DUMB.

I am Fiendish Fiona.

I have a Dalmatian which is brown.
I like yellow because the sun is shining.
I like cream colored clothes.

Which one of the above is a lie?

I think the lecturer trying to make fun of all of us. Serious, and these bunch of Tom Dicks and Harries are laughing their guts out as if they never heard a real joke.

I am in my own world.

Lessons ended early so I headed to town to meet my two cousins, Yen and Huili. I learnt something new about Huili, her business name is Nat or Natalie whereas her fun name is Doreen. Can you tell me what is the deal...

We roamed around SHOPPING, EATING, TALKING, LAUGHING, Throwing umbrellas, taking car rides, visiting PoPo. Aiyo I like the Mango Berms. Shit.

We ate at Chomp: Stingray, Gong-gong, Hokkien Mee, SugarCane (PJ pls msg me when you see this I got something to tell you HAHAHAHA), Satay, Sotong and Egg Tofu on hotplate. Wah lao eh, only 3 of us and Huili ordered like portions for giants!

I am scared. I am so full now I can cry.

Anyway I really didn't think that hanging out with my two very old cousins (I know I'm damn bad hahahaha, one 26 one 28 okay) would be this fun larh. (=

I miss my honeystar.

you make me wanna go ooooh.

2005-05-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

I have been spending too much time with Him lah. Bad shit. I'm beginning my nonsense on being reliant on people again. Not a good thing since school is starting the day after tomms.

I thought a lot about what I'm gonna do about Him. And the worst thing is that I cannot come to a solid conclusion, hence I'm leaving the matter to fate. Besides, he's leaving to further his studies soon.

ANYHOW!!

Joll came back from Bangkok on Friday and I was tired as heck man. So we didn't head out as planned. But to make up for it, Sam, and her and I met up just now for a really relaxing chill out session. I love being around them, just makes me happy.

Here's wishing Sam a happy 19th come 29 May. (= All the best in everything you do and remain as spunky and nonsensical as ever. I'll always love you for who the are and the ah lian in you.

Yesterday was spent pretty neat.

Dale popped by to lunch with me in the New Market. I tell you, it is not wise to have an asshole order too many dishes without knowing so. We ended up stuffing ourselves to death with Pig Organs' soup and Guo Tieh and Ice Kachang and Chendol. I initially wanted Katong Laksa from across the street.

Bought back the Char Kway Tiao from the famous stall for the rest at home and I waited like crazy although there were only 3 people infront. I don't fancy that dish very much. But it's kindda cool seeing how the uncle rhythmically fries the noodles. Very fanciful!

Dale and I hung out just watching the telly and he fell asleep. That cow. I'm positive he has four fuckin' stomaches.

Apart from that I found myself gradually falling asleep. ZZZZzzzz

By 6-ish I woke up to find myself running late for my cousin(Hwee Min)'s wedding dinner. Oh my god, I was dressed super casually. The flower totally saved me.

Dale was still sleeping.

I left the house with my Mom and The Piss. I counted - I had 5 brand new big zits plastered across my cheeks. And they are ENORMOUS. I am not kidding. They are as red as lobsters under the sea and bulging from under my skin like an erect penis. In this case, erect penises.

(okay, bad simile)

After that, I reached home at an ongodly hour of 11.30pm. He called at 12 and picked me up to go watch 'Star Wars: Episode III' with Hectare.

Good show. Fuckin' handsome Anakin, fuckin' ugly Darth Vader. Ugliest Sith in the whole wide world. Good effects. Very brief, because I don't enjoy it very much, just watching it to kill time. Not especially when I've heard the entire Star Wars edition almost all the time back at home from the 2 fanatic brothers.

Hectare's car died on him. We tried to switch it on but the battery water's run dry, in a moment's time, we hopped into a cab to the nearest pump station.

The very scheming cab driver left the cab meter running so he could continue earning a buck or two while 'helping' Hectare.

Hectare is a very cool guy. His car stalls and he is calm like a tortoise. He reminds me of a ninja turtle. Small and resonating. I like him because he is cool. Not like like. Admire only. What impressed me further was that he had only rock tracks in his boombox.

He sent us to Dale's place where I have been stranded till 7pm. And met up with the girls, as mentioned earlier. I am bushed, I reached home after donkey years and tolerating this farting guy in the bus.

I will blog about philosophies and fuckcrap the next time.

My god. How I miss Home sweet home. My bed, Rocky, Nikky, Nico. But I miss Dale haha.

I love you and you love me

2005-05-20T02:52:00.000+08:00

She's leaving on Sunday. Must squeeze out more time for her. I haven't seen her since last year.

Nikki's staying over till next month. Don't you love him? Of course Rocky doesn't.

beyond this light

2005-05-19T02:17:00.000+08:00

Last night, Dale and Ken played Winning Eleven and some motorbike racing thing. And I was bored to tears. Ken kept fucking losing. Haha, he is so damned cute. I just can't get my head off him. When he's happy, he's just so.......................... fucking adorable.

Okay. (I should stop)

We had Mac's for supper, Ken bought it from the drive thru. How I love drive thrus. But after that day, I don't think we can ever have as much fun anymore.

Ken's car is gone. Ken is traumatized, slightly shocked. His car is in a wreck and it's crashed a tree. It (being a jeep thus it's height) somehow got flung over the divider and his car just flipped and overturned and... (not gonna go on)

But I'm glad he's escaped unscathed. Thankfully enough just very very minor scratches and that he was able to crawl out of the entire thing.

I arrived at the scene of this skid accident in a cab and I was trembling. I was so sad, he was looking so frightened. 'Are you alright, Ken?', and he nodded, you could tell I'm very worried. 'My dad's on his way', were his first words.

He just sat like 2 metres away from the wreck. Under the fat coconut tree, squatting just above the roots with a missing left side of the slipper. Very very distraught looking, and it hurt me a lot.

This is not the Ken I know, I was about to cry.

The rain was very subtle, enough to create this envoironment to get tears creeping into the nether joints. I held the umbrella over his face and assured him that everything's gonna be fine.

But the boy's face is scribbled in fear. Fear that his dad might kill him for causing such unsalvageable damage to his almost-one-year old car. Fear that he didn't even see the need to light a fag.

His car skidded along with the impact of the brakes, he claimed that everything happened really slowly. Like a tape in slow mo.

I keep looking at him. And my boyfriend is there looking stupid, and all was quiet for a minute before Ken stood straight up and said, 'Fuckkkkkkk! What am i gonna tell my father! He was telling me the newly appointed commissioner is a no-nonsense woman just the other day, and no one in the committee is allowed to screw up! He complained, the other day, just the other day, he said, Ken... no more late nights, get a job...' (his dad is an ambassador for some thing)

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, here I am thinking, this guy is facing the trauma of his life and all he can think of is what his father's been saying? 'FUCK MAN TODAY IS MY FATHER'S FUCKING BIRTHDAY MAN WHAT THE FUCK!?', that threw me off guard.

By then our bodies all have little traces of mud since it's a little grass knoll that we're on. Really precarious place to be since the possibility of another of the same thing occurring is POSSIBLE. Ken is drenched from head to toe, I stop to examine him, no wounds whatsoever. (=

There are ants crawling about our feet and I lend him my slipper (which isn't even mine, it's Dale's sister's) since I was gonna be stationary for a while. The glass fragments on the grass looked like frozen water, I was quite afraid he might have gotten injured looking for stuff in his car.

The 3 of us looked like vagrants rummaging the rubbish chutes. It's a scene etched in my mind forever.

His parents came. And the tow truck came. And the police came in too.

I'm scared of accidents. Not gonna ever drive in the rain!! The ride back to Dale's house at nearly 8 in the morning was stingingly quiet and it felt awfully long too.

I think, I like His friend a lot. I mean I couldn't sleep. I just kept thinking about how things were going on his side. I know I'm selfish, but I just can't stop thinking about him.

FOOD FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD!

2005-05-17T05:28:00.000+08:00

I'm awake. And I don't even know the time..

I have ten thousand cravings. I shall tell them to you one by one so you'll understand my hunger better.

Ya Kun kaya toast.
Katong Laksa from Tiong Bahru but closed due to revamp for TWO whole years!
Hum Chim Peng, my all-time favourite sin. Oh almost forgot.. Maxwell Road one...
Ice Cream.. hei from Awfully Chocolate is heaven to (touch and) taste, not too sweet almost bitter with a tangy sensation.
Congee... cook me a good pot of it and I will lay down my life for you. So far, Crystal Jade's the best I've had. But it's all preservatives. Must go to China for the real thing.
Scrambled eggs. Without milk. The kind McDonald's make. I do have lousy taste.
A good big fat cup of Chin Chow!! I love the one at Toa Payoh just opposite Beatty, I've never missed an opportunity to play traunt just to drink this damn good Grass Jelly drink.
Lotus buns from Tiong Bahru market also! Fuck, I hate the revamp!
Beef Hor Fun from Geylang!
Sensational crab bee hoon soup from Uncle Leong's in Ang Mo Kio. Super.
Ice Kachang kosong! I like the one in new market best, the ice is nice and smooth.
Snow Ice! Peanut and Choc flavour.. mmmmsssss!! Hungry...
Tom Yam soup in Thailand.
Lobster sashimi. Holy fuck I'm getting gastritis mentioning this.
Vegetarian Bee Hoon with those crispy fried thingeys. Maybe I should walk over to where PJ brought us to eat since it's around that time of the day where the shop is opening for business! It's in Serangoon North.
Xiao Long Bao from Old Shanghai Street in Chinatown. Best! Original and cheap and FUCKING delicious. I must bring everyone there to try one day.
Sour and Spicy soup from Ding Tai Fung please. Any day.
I like Pizza Hut's Lasagne. But the rest of the things they have are off record, yuck.
My maid's ice blended papaya juice. Sedap!
Butter Prawns at my Mom's friend Zi Char stall in Clementi. Waaaa.
Tempura from Shima.
That japanese calamari thingey in Sushi Tei. (=

Yap. I'm getting sleepy like finally. Eh, where is there nice Nasi Lemak ah? I feel like having a really good plate of traditional Nasi Lemak, with just an egg and Ikan Bilis and good Belachan. Not Adam Rd's not Ponggol's. I've tried them, overrated, not even Changi Village's. I like the green ones I see in the telly. Any to reccomend?

Songs and their tuners.

2005-05-16T17:02:00.000+08:00

I was watching the telly with not much an appeal drawn to the box.

Then it hit me that... Singapore is lame. We have cable tv - but we have no adult channels (not that I'm complaining but I think there is an emergency here? Elaborate more later), no live Oprah, no BREASTS on tv, not even shows on marijuana (or grass or weed or dope or ganja). Wait, all that and TWO miserable MTV channels!! Outta the hundred?

There should be a protest rally, a social outcry needs to be addressed. Especially when one of which's channel's is dedicated to Chinese singalong lala songs, the other is MTV Asia where some part of the day is for the Malays. Where the fuck happened to the good ol' music?

How is it possible anyone here watching the telly get any (if at all) enjoyment?

Nevermind, the stupid most censored programmes aired are shown here. Hey I'm not complaining but who the fuck is interested in Taildaters or that one where a girl has to choose a guy within the two but she makes out with both. Or Roomraiders. OK, I've heard of better entertainment in the box elsewhere.

'I bet you will' is nice. It's the only one where fun is not dramatically transformed into some dorky entertainment ala reality style.

I forgot about the Edison Chen's errr what's that show called, Aiyah or something. It used to be hosted by Daniel but I think he's too hot for MTV to handle so they dropped him. That show is another example of an asscrap. If they would stop copying the original Jackass, they might get a loyal fan for creativity.

Thumbs up for channel switching!

Then there is censorship on explicit lyrics which is just bullshit. All the hype of the song goes to the part where 'Motherfucka' is sang with much much emphasis, but that's also where the locals get to hear nothing but lorries passing.

It is fuckin shallow but that's how music sells.

It's so even more so when you wanna censor a mouth saying 'FUCK'. Hahahahahaha how stupid can you get!?! I mean... what now even the mutes aren't supposed to mouth the eff word?

Anyway I was watching MTV and I saw (-Gasps!) The Backstreet Boys'! (this is not an exciting exclamation mark) It is ludicrous they made a comeback! And what's not surprising is that their single sucks like Pamela Anderson sucks cock. Hair and makeup is horrid. Song is not even near bubblegum pop standards ah.

It's not even a Hit single. History should stay intact not try to turn back time (sing to Quit Playing Games with my Heart).

This is where I talked about Rob Thomas and my entry got killed again. FOR THE I DUNNO-TH HOW MANY-TH time.

Rob is hot, grilling, sizzling tenderlion chicken hot. He has that voice, the groove, that face, those eyes. Okay, I'm not about to go any further fantasizing on someone I've never met.

But in the new album he's cut, I'm feeling disappointed. The clothes are tight and tactless, the hair is tasteless and the fuckin' song is very very pop. I don't wanna be lonely no more; I don't wanna have to pay for this? Fuck... then don't. And the booty shakin' is not a good sign. It shows you're desperate dear Rob.

Luckily in my haste to quickly dissolve this disapproval of Mister-oh-I'm-too-sexy. There's a nice tune I've grown to like, 'My, my, my'. I miss the Rob with the long dishevelled and slightly beefier face. And there's Smooth... when Santana and him got hooked up. Wow that's mindblowing. Especially with a speedo Santana doing the chords at like 40 per minutes. Whoa.

Then there's 'Bright Lights' where I bought my first few CDs and didn't really know what music was about. And then the Music Videos started their appearances and that's when it became too popular for it's own good.

MTV has outlived it's usefulness. I shall find something more interesting to do.

That night.

what a fucked world

2005-05-14T18:21:00.000+08:00

Seriously. What's the point of blogging when maintence happens so suddenly without any pre-emptive warning. I am awake at 4 in the morning, bored stiff. And super happy 'cause my Friday the 13th went well.

BUT, lo and behold. Blogger screwed up! My nice entry, complete with photographs (which I had to customise to make it look perfect - that takes nahbei long.. plus it's like a dozen of them!!!!!!!!!!!!), diminished into little molecules within the realms of this blatant cyberworld Bill (Gates', he is not my friend) created.

I am so fuckin' angry I can kill a bloody cow and eat it, sashimi style.

Maybe not a cow but a zebra or a tiger, only I don't eat their meats but I can wear their prints. And maybe vivacious Pamela Anderson would trot over to me and call me an idiot 'cause she's a PETA rep.

I think her boobs are fuckin' scary. And I know she has hepatitis. Like what a sex symbol?

Anyway I want to say I had fun (SCREW BLOGGER'S PARENTS AGAIN) at PL's birthday thing and I hope she likes the card I made her. There is no detail whatsover.

I missed Michelle by like half a minute. (Notice how mundane and list-y this entry looks)

Then the 5 of us: Me, PL, Ba, Ang and Joll headed to Marriot where we sat down like tired tourists to enjoy their air-conditioning.

Then we left town since all the shops were closing and everyone were beginning to feel really zonked from the long day. But we went to Chomp anyways.

Then I came home from Chomp with the PJ and Joll, looking somewhat like bao gong.

Man.. that's it in short.

Hey guess what... I have like only 8 songs in my comp! 'I'm glad' is on and 'cause I'm too lazy to group them into a playlist I'm only looping this one song. Haha!!!!!!

Here are my songs (do enjoy):

I'm glad
Nothing else matters (Great song! I love Aaron Lewis but if you hit loop on that, you might die from early senility)
Goodbye to you (I love Michelle Branch so much, wonder where she's gone)
Sway - Micheal Buble (His voice is heaven)
Jenny from the Block (I am a Jennifer fan, serious)
Close to you - Carpenters
What a wonderful world - Louis Armstrong (Classic)
Superstar - Carpenters (I love the Carpenters!! Don't you?!?!?!?)

Well that sums up everything. God I love that last picture it's driving me nuts knowing I have such a face. Haha alright I'm gonna go do something interesting like watch soap opera on loop now.

Rocking this business

2005-05-12T18:07:00.000+08:00

I sat down websurfing the internet. And I find myself looking at your silly dorky face again. I know I shouldn't be doing this but it's just this natural thing that I find myself so buried into. I know she's lucky... she's so goddamned lucky to have you..

But then again.. I take my words back. I am lucky too, 'cause I have Someone too.. Someone who's willing to make changes and readily apologise to me. Stay up with me till 4am to play Minesweeper with me although He has to get up for work at 7am... that dimwit.

I just think that you know.. when you have something great (you think) to look forward to, you sort of miss out how beautiful things are in between. Sometimes the latter might be even better.

It's bad 'cause you'd hate for someone to miss out something beautiful like yourself, wouldn't it?

I had bak kut teh for supper last night! Heh.

Wells... PoPo has been in the hospi for quite sometime.. I think it's chalked up quite a bit. It is a pretty hefty sum. Considering her age and severity of the op. It's quite damning on her emotional state of health.

The doctor gave her anti-depressants and so she's beginning to hallucinate.

Let's just all hope the doc will just give her a clean bill of a green light of her health report when she discharges. And she'll0 need to go for physiotherapy plus even more medication.. that's even on top of her diabetic condition not to mention her depression.

Since I only have my Granny and my PoPo, and that their both 83 this year, so I guess I must like spend more time with each of them..

Alright.. I'm gonna make a card for Peiling the mailing who fell off a railing. Haha. Okay, that was so not funny I hope she doesn't read this! Lalala..

Lick it good

2005-05-09T22:13:00.000+08:00

Things I love done (by Him):

Tell me things that happened that day without me asking (special emphasis on nagging Mom complaining about her filthy little spoilt son).
Ask me about Rocky (whom I love more than anyone).
Brush my hair when we're watching the telly.
Cover my eyes when the scary parts come about in the movies.
Eat my leftovers (disgusting....)
Call me the stupidest names on the face of earth.
Threaten to cut my nails but never do.
Play 'who stares longer'.
Complain it's very hotttttttttt and commence to sweat like gloved hands.
Win me with no qualms whatsoever, whenever, in whatever.
And that stupid xiao peng you face he has lah.

Things I'd love to be done (by Him):

Ask about how my day went.
Can you fuckin' please be more sensitive to feelings/actions/tempers that I have tendancies to change very frequently when things don't go the way I like?
Shut up when your Mom is the topic.
Call my Rocky 'Rocks' (yuck?).
Let me win all the time.
Can you ask me more about myself (e.g. Gone shopping? Hung out with gfs? Need manicure? Whatever.. anything!)?!?!?!!?
Ask me a question more than once or twice then maybe you might get THE answer.
Don't SUMMARISE what you want to tell me. I want details.
Don't ask me not to get angry when you were the one who caused it.
DON'T WALK FASTER THAN ME.
Don't tell me what you want to get me, you heard of a thing called surprise?

No.10 is like the epitome of all problems.

What's done is done. I might have flared up but it's good while it lasted! We finally talked last night and I know he cares.. It's just me I guess.

The night at Black was fun.. photos are up in Phil's blog but he's never online to send the damned pictures. Joll, Ba, Leon, Phil and I waited till there was rnb. Sang and danced quite a bit so my throat's been quite ticklish ever since. Still quite sad from paying covercharge, I drank beer though - still the best.

Covercharge issue aside, I've since been more relaxed about the Dale thing. I think the dancing in heels made me momentarily numb too.

We had supper at Geylang and Leon drove us home at about err 4.30... Joll forgot to bring her keys so she crashed my place (I don't bring my keys, but I can climb over my gate) where I'm a burglar in Phil's blog (last photo on the right hand corner).

Anyw Joll and I played Minesweeper and she finally went home at 7?... I'm filling you in with these redundant information like a lousy pot of stew with too much starch and too little ingredients to broil it.

Today was spent visiting my maternal PoPo in the hospi where I met this guy I liked back in Sec1 (it's a malay boy from Beatty). And I am how embarrrassed. I walked as fast as my fat legs would carry me as calmly as possible. Anyway, he was looking at me from quite a distance and I am how scared?

I mean HELLO, I looked like some mongrel when I was 13.. now I'm at least a norm, so the difference is quite drastic, but I'm still better looking now. So yes, end of digression.

So, since I was in the area, I took the time to visit Mdm Hoo whom painstakingly moulded me into this lady that I am today. I told her something somewhere along the lines and she was so touched! I'm glad I made her day (= I haven't seen her in a whooping 7 years in all. Yes. What amazement, and she remembers me. I'm glad.

Besotted with my English and a couple of 'lah's, 'hor's and 'meh's. She said it was strung up articulately, haha before that I was wishing she wouldn't insult my bad grammer. Now I know she actually liked me as her student back then. Now I'm beginning to feel at ease with being fat. Haha.

Remind me to invite her to my wedding.

So I came home feeling really happy. I know it must sound very crazy to someone who isn't in my shoes.. I'm so sorry I do not know how to contain my joy, Mdm Hoo's this person I look up to and regard as a person who holds a special place in my heart. I finally did it, paid her a good visit.

it's so empty in that spot now

2005-05-07T18:35:00.000+08:00

Got royally woken up by the timbering of bloody coconut trees from my neighbour's this noon. It is not a nice lullaby to snooze to. Now their backyard boasts 3 major holes. Poor ol' trees. Well, they had better plant back 30 more trees to prevent deforestation. Damned neighbours.

I finally lugged myself outta bed at 4.30. How sweettt..

Meeting Joll at 9ish for Black tonight. Sian. Need to pay covercharge. My heart pain... PLUS NEED TO PAY FOR DRINKS. Maybe I take a can of booze from home to go there and have my own cheap thrills. Who's going errr Phil, Leon err Alison err (this time Joll said) Serene is going erm I dunno who also lah. I'm just going for a drink and unwind.

UNWIND.

And I'm not as angry as I was last night. I've put the episode behind me and have decided to carry on on my yester years.

You won't call me and I won't care too.

I haven't cried in a long time. My tear glands were exercising pretty hardily last night. Haha. I think I finished an entire roll of toilet paper (read post below). I cried to sleep and woke up with disgusting white hardened little stuff all over my eyes.

Not funny at all when I found out that my already very small eyelids puffed up and gave me frickin' no eyelids to suffer with for the next couple of hours thereafter.

Luckily no plans yet.

Mother's day is bloody hell tomorrow. What the hell? I have no money.. I'm poorer than Vicky (seriously, no kidding.) I'm just going to make like some card whenever I suddenly have no money come every this day of the year.

Okay lah.. being poor isn't such a sad thing but, being poor and unattached makes you.

Now I'm going to wallow in anguish and sink myself in the world of the telly!

you can carry on without me

2005-05-06T23:14:00.000+08:00

My room has no box of tissues.. so I've resorted to using fuckin' toilet paper to wipe the tears off my face. It's pretty conclusive what I've been up to unless you really find it credible that I've been chopping onions...

Today must have been the most fucked day I've had.

I am angry, fuming mad. I am extremely put off by such behavior. It is rude and selfish through and through. WHY AGREE WITH SOMETHING when you haven't the slightest clue? It's like a broken pact, a torn promise. And it's just as good as lying!

I'm considering a very drastic measure.

You're making me so peeved. So fuckin' furious, I can overcome this so-called thing we have going on and treat it as if nothing happened. I can make that happen.

I can cry. I can cry all I want, and you know what? It's none of your business! Not because I don't allow so - BUT FUCKIN' 'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANNA TRY. You're fuckinly idiotic.

So what she hurt you before? You still got a girl after that what! You said, 'she didn't care about your feelings'. Now I understand why she said that. How to(???), when you don't even show the same way for your Girl?

I hurt too.

I have feelings too!

I said so many times. So many fuckin' times. You're tired of hearing, but you think I'm not tired of saying meh? You're so insensitive and you know that but you're too care-less to change anyway. It's your so-called nature.. it's the way is has to be, BLAH BLAH BLAH and your big talk.

I was crying that day too. You knew 'cause I can sense it. But all you can do is ask me why I'm so angry.

You wait for me, you're tired. Like sitting on the bus for an hour, carrying your stuff isn't tedious for me? So what, MY FAULT 'CAUSE YOU LEFT YOUR STUFF WITH ME RIGHT?

Ahh fuck. To think I was so nice to make you something like that and all you did was say I was 'mad'. It's the first time I think of doing such a gesture to someone and all you did was call me mad.. like that wasn't enough.

Yah I'm DEVOID of feelings.. numbed, totally immuned from it. You fuckin' bastard you. It hurts as fuck. But you just fuckin' are too stupid to know that I am a Girl too whose beginning to like you back, but you messed up so bad man.

What happened to all the sweet messages you used to send me? What happened to all the big shit you used to say to me? What happened when Dan and I broke up? You said you would be there for me. But I bet you forgot this too.

I hate you for planting such misery into me. I UTTERLY HATE YOU.

It's disturbingly sad enough I have to do this online, because I'm so afraid of.. FUCK I DUNNO WHAT IS IT I'M SCARED OF.. I just don't want to go through this again. So fuckin' hurt.

Weapon of choice

2005-05-04T02:55:00.000+08:00

Shit I just sneezed onto my thighs. And 'cause my air-conditioner is working so damned well (think- aircon servicing), I had a drizzle of saliva watering my thunder thighs.

Anyway the weirdest thing happened to me on the bus. I took a bus from Tampines to try getting my way home for the FIRST TIME, it felt rather obscure... as if I were a foreigner of sorts. Well, that was of course after consulting the bus driver my '3W's: Where, When, hoW.

Minutes passed, and then the old replays of Mediacorp sitcoms began their daily re-runs on the TVMobile (Slighted to be the next big thing - but never happened anyway. Don't see anyone wanting to install it in their vehicles just to catch what you can with public transport. Will elaborate further later.) and I was surprised to watch that mmms, girl in the SilkPro ad...?

Got myself thoroughly engrossed with the show, intents of memorising the route so I could get home from school more easily - obviously lost their priority.

Damn... Chen Song Ling is hot. I mean it's always nice to have a Hongkie speak mandarin on local productions. Only it's quite unbelievable that someone who speaks with a twang of Cantonese could have sisters who speak perfectly audible slangs of mandarin. That's how shallow Singaporeans get - all for the sake of increasing viewership, hence MONEY MAKING.

Digressing, I'm sorry.

Back to being lost, I mean I did try to remember how these buildings look.. but blabs of concrete don't have much worth memorising. To be honest, I really didn't care if I got lost and the show seemed pretty interesting 'cause somehow when it was aired on the telly, I missed that one episode.

I was so engrossed... suddenly I see someone walking towards me chanting in Mandarin, 'Ma'am Ma'am your stop, you wanna change to Bus Service 70 right??'. I look up and see the turquoised draped 30-something uncle with a smile a big as my 5feet queen-sized bed, and was almost embarrassed to tears!!!!!

Okay, by then I'm mortified and the whole bus turns to look at me. 'Cause like royalty he pranced happily to the mid of the bus (Thank god I wasn't on the upper deck) and I had to receive the Royal Imperial Decree.

Of course I don't forget to thank the very nice bus driver but as softly as possible hopefully audible enough for him.

In all embarrassment, I tried to tap my card through my purse through my handbag. But it didn't work and I didn't want to increase anymore unwanted attention drawn and DIDN'T TAP MY CARD. So much for saving money via public transport.

Bus 70 came, and I boarded it.

I continued watching the show, but... before it could end with credits, I was already at my stop, HOMEEEEE!

That's where I'm to address the stupidity and unneeded installation of TVMobile in public buses for which could have saved me: 3 drops of sweat (think- anime), a fuckin' cheaper fare since I ain't using concession no more, a later sense of direction (Hello?? I could have memorised it!), and smiling back at the Cheekopek uncle!!!!!!

Haha, I amuse myself sometimes.

Lost in emotions... my baby!

2005-05-04T00:42:00.000+08:00

Okay, I love singing to retro but not Mambo okay Ba? (Notice I cut short, from AliBaBa to BaBa then now Ba.) Anyway we are Phuturing tomms: Cher, Marr, Me, Joll, PJ, Ba (Don't care), and Serene and I wanted Peiling to go (= but she's got her mids to prepare..

Well I just came back from Gardens with Joll and PJ. I think I was thinking a lot lah so I didn't necessarily interest myself in their topics. Kindda random, the stuff that I was thinking about. Like: 'what I would wear for Phuture tomms', 'does He really like like me?', 'I bet he and her gonna be Mister and Missus'.

Most of the time I was just thinking how nice if I were her. But then again - I wouldn't want to 'cause... (Shouldn't disclose this online.)

So, I've come to a point where I've gradually learnt to accept things as they are, in their flawed forms. I'm seeing myself grow up in a very ugly society. Petty gains, unglam-ness, beliefs, racisms, sexisms. But without all these, will I ever see the light?

I don't really ask for much in a r'ship, I just want a whole chunk of care and attention. Sometimes maybe too much. So He just doesn't understand what it is that I want. Then I realise I'm wrong, 'cause He's just being Himself... so I give in.

But the cycle goes on and on like a carousel, it never stops till the ride is over. Or at least till someone pulls the plug out and the other someone's still stuck above, wondering what the hell went wrong; why are the lights all out??

That's the time I fear would arrive (I hope you understand). I'm what Junlynn said, 'Not believing in love', that's half true. I guess I just haven't met the one. What if there isn't a one?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, big words and me don't go well. So I should shut my trap! I have no more counter neither am I bothered about who reads my blog anymore. (Actually I am concerned, but it's not up to me to control innit?)

I think the colors are better now?? More comments please?

looking up

2005-05-02T02:24:00.000+08:00

This layout is some last minute shit. Aiyah can read can already lah. Haha, I'm feeling way sleepy peace out..

gimme five pls

2005-04-30T04:10:00.000+08:00

I realised there are WEIRD PEOPLE VISITING MY BLOG SEARCHING FOR WEIRDER PEOPLE. Very very unprivate, please go away, I don't like that very much at all. Don't make me lock the blog 'cause it's damn troublesome. Just don't come here anymore!!!

everything you don't

2005-04-29T23:13:00.000+08:00

Really suppressed with feelings man!

Is it time for one in and one out?

Dan's flown back last week.. and I'm meeting him tonight. (= And a couple of drinks later. So, well actually my day didn't start off like this.

I was supposed to meet Dale but apparently someone seemed damn busy.

So.. Maybe it's a good way of letting you know that I have feelings too. I don't like it very much when you say one thing and you mean another. Neither do I rave the times when you can suddenly disappear from the realms of this earth and at 4am in the morning call me for a chat.

It's not me. That's for sure. It's your fault.

Anyway, like you will even know that I have feelings. Because unlike you, I'd like a proper indication of what's going on. Disappearance don't work with me. I'm sorry if you think I'm being very very VERY condescending.

But the very least is a message!

Carrot cake from chompppppp... fuckin got cravingggg

2005-04-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

Had my jog, feeling accomplished and utterly happy! -Gleams.

Well well, what did I do today? Other than the usual lazing in bed... and utilising the 24 hour free incoming calls function that my plan now serves me with (I switched plans!!!), I met up with Joll and J in gardens. (=

Didn't do anything much lah, but we talked a heck lot of crap lah. I know it was quite sad. Oh whatever, so anyway... J's damn funny lah, cannot take it! I kept forgetting to say this, but if you're reading: I FUCKIN' CANNOT ACCESS YOUR BLOG!!!

And I want to work at the pet shop in gardens. (= Hope they accept temp staff, shall go ask tomorrow! Of course it's quite stupid lah, the pay is how sad I think.

Anyw J left like at 7 or somewhere there, bugging us to join her to Town so she doesn't need to like GO ALONE... wells, TOO BAD...

Joll and I headed for Ambarella Cafe to meet Josh and had dinner together.

I happily walked back alllllll the way home.

//I think it's also good since you're leaving. Maybe I should take it as an early farewell. There's just something lacking between the 2 of us. Be it the insensitive side of you or the very mellow me, or the over bo chup-ness you tend to show.. quite tired of complaining.

Whats white and is pink all over?

2005-04-24T02:47:00.000+08:00

Some challenges may be coming your way, and it may even be an out-and-out
ambush. Don't expect to be able to get a lot done together (or maybe even
separately) right now. There's no reason to be paranoid, but there's no reason
to call attention to yourselves (or what you're up to) either. The good news? At
least you're in it together -- and at least you'll have a good story to tell.
You'll remember the hysterical laughing fits longer than the rest of it -- think
of it as a real bonding experience.

Mmms got this from Friendster. Some horoscope thing that they have now. Pretty interesting. It's funny how sometimes these senseless and totally unbelievable little paragraph can mean so much.

I'll remember the hysterical laughter and I know it's a real bonding experience right now. I never expect to get a lot done together 'cause all we do is nothing when we're together, just lots of attention exchanging.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

I've been having a lot of time off with people that I like a lot.

Joll and I (whom I just got off the phone with) are making plans to hang out more 'cause she's moving into the dorm in NTU which fuckin' reduces me to tears everytime I think of it.

Dale and I as usual spend a lot of nonsensical times together. He and his spasms and syndromic acts and that silly face of his. And his Mom from,... never mind.

There's Noell who was supposed to pick me up for prata but decided to chuck the idea since he was lazier than me.

I can't think of who now.

PJ and her elusiveness. Sam and her AhLian-ness (I missed it a little bit).

Oh so this is where I'm supposed to talk about my going to Music Underground. Wowweee, I remembered the last time actually stepping in there. Those were the old Cosi days. When the old MU was next to Cosi. And then when we threw the trash out every night, we'd see people dressed up and ladies lookin' super hooligan-ish, decked out by the bouncers and restrained by a tiny red belt.

Joll, PJ and I headed down to MU (NOT 'CAUSE WE PLANNED TO), but waited outside only 'cause we were shy. Haha yes we were, Joll my dear was insanely funny. Gesturing to look at the AhBengs and everything in there was damn foreign to us, or maybe to me at least.

Then there was pole cum bartop dancing. I mean listen man - if you can't dance don't fuckin' try to go up there to make mockery outta it. Ecks, I'm no one to say such things. Maybe I'm just jealous and I totally admire the guts they exude?

There was a brief intermission (if I might say) of rnb. And it's definitely a break from techno say no. Haha I know that rhyming thing was not needed, at all. We left soon after, bade farewell to my dear Sammie Wammie, Eunice and Michelle.

Met Dale and Weizhi and we headed to Newton for some supper. No one wanted to eat lah. Quite sickening, actually I was hungry but had to feign it off. Ordered a plate of carrot cake from the persistent uncle behind me who speaks in an inexplicable slang, WHICH SUCKED BY THE WAY..

Never give in to persistent uncles who stand behind you and seem funny.

Well, Sam and Michelle joined us after some time and left equally fast. Yepp, I know it's sort of like a weird gathering in Newton. (= But still, I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Weizhi who is an ass through and through DID NOT WANT TO SEND US BACK. So.. we cabbed back. Ughh, I think I'm infected with Joll's bubble of thoughts.

maybe it's me I'm fuckin contstipated

2005-04-20T17:44:00.000+08:00

I'm an insincere friend. Never go out of my way to make things better. Instead I make things worse. Always building castles made up of dreamy cloudy balloons of dense water vapour.

I'm going for a swim now and later a drink with the girls at Black. Mmms, somewhere at the deepest darkest corners of my fears, I seek comfort. I need a drink tonight.

Riding on life with a knife

2005-04-20T00:59:00.000+08:00

I dunno what I've been doing everyday.

I can't remember anything clearly. But I've been eating a whole lot. And giving no fuck to losing weight.

Thanks to Joll, Jo, J ( I dunno if you noticed but their all Js and it's like Ed, Edd and Eddy!!). Been entertaining me like crazy these lovelies. And there's Dale, Ken and TauPok.

I'm in TP, in Singapore. I have no idea what plans I have up for the next one month before being a student all over again. I'm getting a job, but I dunno what as. Neither can I fathom myself doing any work though.

I'm slipshod.

Well, I'm sorry for not blogging for so long. I dunno why I'm apologising to nothingness. Seems like everyday's a mess.

Aiyo, someone please get me a temp job! I'm absolutely dying of boredom.

Maybe things were meant to be this way,
you never liked me and I never fancied you anyway.

Hurt is written all over my face,
as if I've lost in this race.
Which's memories I can never erase.

Emptiness lurks within the shadows,
and it shows.

Can you take it all awayyyyy?

like that y'all

2005-04-11T19:39:00.000+08:00

I am fine I am fine I am fine I am fine I am fine.

I wonder if you know I'm bored and have all these off thoughts in my head. Threatening to implode spasms into this fat blob of fuck.

Hi people I'm Fiona. Lemme tell you what happened during the last 10 mins.

Danny took 50 bucks from my wallet.
My maid found my hamster's carcuss; I'm sad but not bothered enough to cry. I've never loved this hamster that much anyway. No hard feelings although your body is.
Mom said I should be standing up after eating dinner. Aids digestion and makes you less fat.
I felt like cutting my nails and being a normal-length nailed girl.
My bro said he felt like punching someone.
I just scratched my shoulder 'cause it was itchy.
Mom sprayed some insect repellent all over our (the 3 siblings') bodies.
I ate Asam Garouper, French beans with Scallops, Steamed eggs (Century egg and Salted and normal-fuckin' chicken ones lah), Fried porklets and some Porkrib soup with Peanuts and Lotus root.
I thought of what to do but gave up halfway. (Ha! Ha! What's new?)

Ah fuck. T fucking P called me at 4 and I didn't pick up the (TWO) calls 'cause I was charging my phone in my Mom's room and I couldn't have heard it from downstairs could I?

I'm so dead. What if they tell me my enrolment's been rejected??? Does it mean I leave for Aussie now?!?!?!?!?!!?

Bye world. I might die soon. MAYBE EVEN NOW. Ta.

Dancing in the moonlight

2005-04-03T12:20:00.000+08:00

Tossing and turning aimlessly on my new bed. I just can't seem to get the things I want straightened out, straightened out. Feeling very very uneasy about that matter.

And to only make things worse, my confirmation of another matter _______ (love?) is concurrently unresolved. I'm slightly muddleheaded - correction - very.

So, you know what. Let me give myself a month and a half till school commences for me, I promise I'll have all that cleared up and be the once happy girl I used to be. All smiles.

Right now, no words could describe this.

Yes, it's for you. I need affirmation. Yes?

based on you and me

2005-03-31T22:53:00.000+08:00

I cried for a little while. Then, I found out there wasn't anything I was crying for. It's just so fuckin' futile. So god damned useless. Fiona is undetermined; I'm just not focused enough.

I cried for the moon and the stars tonight.

And the bad things that I've done and this stupid blog I have. What's the fuckin' point if I have to hide the feelings I want to jot down? What's the point of letting people know of this place?

There are so many things I want to say but I dunno how. I just have to bottle it up like little gobs of medicine, to only be consumed if needed.

I'm so scared of not being able to cope anymore.

I'm so afraid of you knowing what or how I'm feeling. I'm afraid of being read like a book, that's not what I want. I want to be a skill to be picked up; not some book.

I was really hurt today, Quan treated me really lukewarm. Not the same person I knew anymore... the distance growing further everyday. And I can't do anything - that's where it hurts the most - not being able to change facts.

I'm missing this gor so much. I just wanna hang out with you. Be your sister, nothing more. You took me on a rollercoaster ride and left me hanging on the ledge. I'm hurting like crazy inside; you just don't know.

I'm so hurt.

Before I fall any deeper.

2005-03-31T16:30:00.000+08:00

It must be obvious enough, haha. Ohwhatthefuck.

My days have been boring, for 2 straight days in a row I've been eating prata with Noell 'cause someone gotta kill time!! And like 8am kind. Waaa seh, super crazy my body's gonna break down soon man.

Fats accumulating pls.

Speaking of food, Joll PJ and I had chomps for supper. We had like Rojak, Porridge (= , Satay and Carrot Cake!!! Talk about putting on weight........

PJ and I walked home as Joll got stalked haha. (Laugh along please everyone!) It's damn hilarious, her stalker's name is Samuel. Mmms PJ and I talked a little, and I think this is what we're lacking.. I love small talks.

Anyways after PJ departed, I had a long chat with Koh. He's dropping by SGP soon, and I can't wait to see this old friend of mine. Things might have changed, but I'll always stand by you alright?

Basically I have eyebags the size of China and I hate to admit that my complexion is deteriorating at lightning speeds.

REPLIES:

Jo>>
Yes aren't we doing that right now? Haha, I miss hanging out with you!! And u whacked me till I had bruises all over!! I know you're having fun, I can smell it from here. Reply the last email, though a tad short. Haha I think we have a lot to exchange!!!

Ayu>>
Yeahs sure thing, after I change this layout lah... haha sticking to the same layout I see? So when the hell are we meeting?!?!?! U have school like all the time!!!

Vicks>>
Heh ask me why we didn't meet. Haha, ktv soon man.

Joll>>
Oh, just shut up. Haha.

but I like your friend

2005-03-30T01:29:00.000+08:00

What a title.

Wells, mmms.. yeah, it sort of says it all doesn't it?

The more I think about how funny the whole thing is, the more I find him more attractive and likeable. That's really quite a dumb thing to say. But what can I actually do if it's true.

Got introduced to Taupok who incidentally is the most corny person looking alive and he REALLY made me laugh till I almost peed on my freakin' pants. He drove us (Ken, Dale and I) down to JB and we happily ate a hearty little meal at that weird place.

My passport photo looked damned hell dorky and they were all happily laughing at me as they snatched it away with MUCH ENTHUSIASM.

Anyway I must take a photo of Taupok for you to see. Please laugh on the ground.

Ken was also syndroming as usual, with sudden outbursts of karaoke songs. Haha what a cute chap! Mmms.. you should have seen the way these guys squeeze the ciggarettes into the compartments in the car. Fuckin' hilarious. Ken still had the cheek to ask us to go sing at RoadBox (which is what SGP mimicked and produced KBox).

So there, I went and left JB without much attained. I just ate a lot. Being with them makes me absolutely fat, I am already so fat. My BMI could shoot rocket high and be jolly well 46.

I have 8 new pimples and it must be the weather - or the lack of sleep.

Haha, J and I had an interesting convo the other day. Freakin' hilarious lah. You should've seen the look on our faces (just imagine it).

Joanna has left the world in her own world now... hehe. Must be having some great time now - sightseeing and all. Buy your good friend over here a good thing or 2 okay?

Reply:

Joll>>
Haha yes oh yes. People Joll over here met and chatted and had photos taken with my dear Jon Jonsson. My dear Jon!!?? She actually had a handshake and a hug. (=

Shakin' that ass.

2005-03-27T02:13:00.000+08:00

oWooooooooo. I'm on an absolutely bad spending spree. So, Fiona over here is left deadbroke but lots of nice stuff to be proud of. (= Sometimes I make myself happy.

First things first, Joll's back. And we just met up for some drinks with Baba and talking cock as usual. Oh we were at Coffee Club and suddenly everyone's bladder became weaklings.

Happily we wanted to trot of to the toilet only we didn't know how would one person be left out. Hehe so, since Baba being the experienced Coffee Clubber went alone first. The two lost us (Joll and I) couldn't find our way to the distraught loo and decided to run over to Cine's.

Poor Baba.

Wells, I've been a bad wastrel man... spending money, eating and not exercising enough. Drinking now. Which is not a great thing, look how it contributes to my tummy. Egh..

Well I'm at Ken's place and obviously I'm bored as fuck and I dunno what to do, notice that I'm blogging.

Wells, tomms is gonna be a better day.

Oh I scared the bejeezes outta myself 'cause I thought Rocky was dying from some disease lah. Glad he's alright now, and I spent a BOMB at the veterinarian's. Although he wasn't sick, damn.

Just give it to her already!

2005-03-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

So, things have been fine.

I realise that having no one to think of, is actually a good thing. Now I wouldn't need to worry about having to hurt anybody. Friends are good, being friends means no obligations. I like the way that feels and sounds.

Selfish? Nolah. I'm nowhere near there.

I'm in Danny's room. I can hear dragging feet at the condo opposite and the smell of freshly cut wood. I dunno what kind of lame combination that is.

I've been thinking of my bestfriend. I miss her. Hearing her voice and keeping her update on my life and all. I think I cannot do without my bestie. She'll be back this Friday. I just can't wait to hugggg her! )= But for now, I can only say these stuff.

I feel like watching a sad movie to cry to. Just for the fun of it.

fuckedddddd

2005-03-21T04:22:00.000+08:00

Ahhh, fuck dunno what to do. So damned frustrated. Eat me and swallow me down into your large and small intestines. Digest me till I end up like dung.

I think.

2005-03-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

Mmms, since I'm just really bored now. I'll talk about something that might interest someone. (=

Haha. So exciting.

I was wondering if this someone reads my blog. How the fuck would I know so, you question? Haha, your explorer history, remember I actually was using your laptop BRUDDA? I know you don't like me calling you that. 'Cause you prefer I call you leng jai.

But I don't want leh.

Aiyo. Where the hell am I driving to? I think I feel like seeing you. Yupp, just seeing you. Hearing you talk cock. Being the nonsense kia. Bullying me like you always do. Winning me although I don't like you doing so. Walking faster than me, making weird actions that I don't understand. Saying 'Hello!' with that irritating accent. Seeing you eat as I starve in hunger (STUPID DIET). Your disgusting chinese. You insulting me for everything that I am. And that smell.

You're an ass lah.

Mmms never mind me lah. I've always felt so insecure about everything. Everything thing that I do has this 'but what if..'s ah fuck, I'm so irritated.

I don't think I like you as much as I seem to be saying. The stuff that's been happening is kind of not to your advantage, and I'm pretty irritated by it. Everything should come to a standstill first.

I dun mind spending everyday.

2005-03-19T23:12:00.000+08:00

Wells, since I last blogged a couple of events came about.

I met someone interestingly entertaining- Dale. Yep! He laughs at every damn thing that I do. And thinks I'm some sort of Winnie The Pooh. Which I, am coincidentally. Back in Beatty days- Joll was Piglet; Sam was the Eeyore (HAHA! Donkey!); PJ's the Tigger; so who am I???

Dale is a nice person lah I think. I was so moody and giving all these erratic moodswings 'cause of the stuff I finally managed to decide to put an end to. So thanks for being tolerant and accompanying me through all the stupid movies we've watched!

Koh and I are much like strangers now. Not that I ever see him around in sgp anyway. He was the person that was never there when I needed an advisor, a companion, a boyfriend and of all, a friend. It's not as if I wanted so much you know?

Maybe something new might come about.

So, as I was happily ranting, I digressed. Again.

My new bed's really coming. Made the order like a few days back and Mom bought a new wine chiller for her stupid collection.

How come I can't remember what's been happening these days?

Oh.. I met Weiwen and Lorraine (= Really nice, and I haven't seen him in such a long time! We go way back man. Lorraine's in Miss Sgp Universe, so vote for her?

And... Marc's month old celebs were held at Changi. Really adorable little sweetheart.

My brain is starting to deteriorate, don't blame me 'cause I think I'm too drained. I love you!

One more thing - just before I forget. Tommy's photos are here. Haha, why do i feel he's gonna kill me? Anyw, he's fine now... only really haggard 'cause of weird assignments and hotel visits. I hate it 'cause the Tommy I knew is finally growing up and being a little less kiddish. I missed that fella.

It's me and you now; so stop fuckin' around the bushes.

2005-03-16T11:43:00.000+08:00

I don't like it when people act nice to me.

I like it very much if only it were genuine and frank. Thanks!

Haven't been out very much, I still think staying in my area is the best that gives. 4mins away from home via public transport and prolly a slightly longer walk from Gardens itself.

Hehe, going out is such a disgusting thing.

1.) You spend on - transport, food, SHOPPING(greatest sin), the occasional movie and buying tissues from uncles and aunties peddling them on the streets.
2.) You get so mother-fuckin' drained 'cause, Oh, I woke up early today lah..
3.) The amazing fact that your house is actually as far as it was when you came to town as it is gonna be when you head home. But you contradict yourself.

Whateverr.

Stupif.

Anyw, who the hell is pigj?? Refer to comment box in last entry.

sunken

2005-03-14T13:58:00.000+08:00

Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
Phantom ships, lost at sea
And one of them is mine
Raising my glass, I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why
The stars don't seem to guide me

I suddenly miss the guy who shared this common song with me once. (:

Man, my tummy is hurting like crazy. I think i just gave off the worst fart and I'm gonna collapse to the toilet again. Nagaski or some funny Japanese name for the bombS in WW2. Shit what a bad combi: tummy ache and blogging.

BRB.

Okay, wow, what a whole load of bullshit I typed just now.

I remembered that when I sat for my English Language O's a few years back that the same darn thing happened. I had the same damn tummy ache and I scribbled the worst nonsense on the Composition section.

Shiok.

I never had a fondness for exams anyway. So it doesnt really matter.

Oh I had the intent of broaching this other topic, but I wonder if the no-linkage makes a difference. So, anyway, I wanted to say.. (Fuck, I suddenly wanna have a fag badly, I'm digressing sorry)

That I don't understand how people can enjoy clubbing. Ha! Ha! Funny how I can say such a thing. First, it's smokey. Then squeezing and gyrating up to strangers isn't exactly what I go for. But when you're horny as fuck, it doesn't matter.

Secondly, you dance like there's no tomorrow. I mean not that I see anything remotely wrong to that, but (hello???).

Drinks: I can't drink. How many times must I tell you I'm a FUCKIN TEETOTALLER. If I drink = I die.

It's a fuckin' Monday night and it's my holidays. And I'm home blogging?!?!?!

Like what the fuck? Okay, let's skip my erraticism.

Apart from not having a common fondness as like other hormonal-bursting young adult might contain a mug full of libido who love hitting the clubs, I also am lazy.

Tell me, how abnormal am I? Plus, I'm not a very very fancy pansy person. I don't like strangers. I am weird. Okay, I'm just bored so entertain me with comments thanks. Heh, and thanks Kim.

HELLO JOLL! HOWS THE WEATHER IN WHEREVER YOU ARE? I MISSED YOU LIKE CRAZYYYYYY. SGP AND YOURS TRULY CANNOT DO WITHOUT YOU. SO PLEASE HURRY HOME. AND IT'S BEEN LESS THAN A QUARTER THE AMOUNT OF TIME YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BACK BY. AND I'M ALREADY FEELIN' LONELY. ))): I MISSED YOU BEST FRIEND.

ayu>>
Haha, how cool is that. Now we're gonna be colleagues? But I'm just so lazy to go down haha. Yep, I missed you girl.

It's like I can't breathe; can't sleep; can't eat.

2005-03-13T15:25:00.000+08:00

Teehee. Brushed my teeth. It's 2-ish and I'm happily surfing the net. What a nasssty life I'm leading!

I missed my bestie yesterday, but I'm missing her more today. )=

It is so unfair how her stupid handphone is not switched on. It's unfair why she had to go now, Sebastian Chew and your stupid enlistment! And it's unfair how I'm not into such outdoor trips. And I'm such a momma's girl, who's to blame?

I missed my best friend.

I'm getting a new job! But haven't decided in which area. Heh I make things sound as if I'm some high-flyer with an amazing 7-figure annual paying job. Of course I'm not, and a 9-5 job in an office is not an ideal occupation I'd like to have.

But in anyw, I think I might just have go for the interview at Heeren's HMV. But I heard it's some tough shit they put you through, it's a NO-REST kind of thing.

And I'm broke - again.

If money trees were indeed money trees. I'd shake them with all my might.

My life as a boring chap begins with swimming. Ta peoples.

Oh!
HAPPY 18TH KIM!

REPLIES:

Jo>>
Mmms, what a late reply. Anyw, I hope you're heaps better now. Still, sorry I couldn't be of much help though.

J>>
Hoi back. Mmms yeah and I like totally thank you for that. I was just damn down. With all these stupif men and their FUCKIN' HUGE EGOS they ought to just steer clear from me. If I know just one more. That's all it takes. I'll kick his balls lah.

Marr>>
Heh, yep. Timing babeh. And after a month on a new job. Haven't quite decided what to do yet. -Thinks.

Ryl>>
Heh can't wait to see you too. Need to meet up alright. Sheesh, what a nasty life I lead.

Move it on

2005-03-10T10:59:00.000+08:00

It's sort of like a phase where I'm beginning to have a clear idea of what my life is gonna be like - boring, colorless, but spent exceptionally well.

I have these great friends. Thanks to all the primary school friends. Best friends. Hang out buddies, shopping girlfriends. Clubbing clique. Mmms, come to think of it, I dun have much friends, do I?

But what the hell. I'm sure I don't have superficial friends.

I've blocked all my superficial friends on the MSN Messenger list. So, for starters... I needn't appease them no more! -Smiles wide.

And I can imagine how nifty it is.

My body is a broken machine. Ready for some good use. C'mon! I'm at the prime of my life. Why should I even fuckin' be bothered by such mundanity? If there's such a word even.

Joll left for States early this morning like FIVE-FUCKEN-AM. For... Backpacking trip all over. Like how cool is that? But, don't ask me to do such stuff with her. My nails might break, and my hair - dishevelled.

So, my bestie left. But there are others, and I've got just about the right thing to do up my sleeve.

P/S I've gotten over all the men issues and I realise I dun care! I'm such a bozo! School is starting and I, as an avid school person (Right..), should play as hard as possible.

REPLIES:

Sam>>
Yes, how'd you know? Ha Ha! When are we meeting? Please tell me it's soon 'cause I really am in no mood to drag our meeting.

Joll>>
Aiya! Couldn't you leave a comment later? Now you have to read this only after you've left! Sickowawa. Heh. Best of fun in the trip, and return for more driving lessons alright??

I just wanna hold you so much!

2005-03-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

Quan, you're like heaven to touch.

You're ignoring me. You're treating me as if I were non-existent. You ignore me but don't know how much I'm hurting inside. You treat me like your sis but you treat me like a stranger. You give me pleasure and make me hate you.

Making friends with shadows on my wall.

2005-03-05T19:16:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, all's clear.

I treat you as my bro. I guess, it'll always be.

Days have been rampant. Not to mention borish to an icky extent and my moodswings are getting me quite irritable.

I have too much time in my hands, so I've decided now's best to get a new layout and get some inspiration brewing. Afterall when school starts I might have a problem doing such senseless stuff, like mahjong. I have not learnt that skill yet.

It kills.

Furthermore, I know mahjong is meant to waste time. But I never thought it was that lifeless a hobby.

I have no love-interest.

Bye.

This belief unfolded

2005-03-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

Just when I'm trying so hard to forget you.

Sometimes I guess it's my misinterpretation. I must be imagining things; thinking too optimisstic; looking too much on the bright side.

But this time - something must be up. Is he trying to give me a sign?

Today's the release of the A's, seriously happy for the girls, they did exceptionally well. Nothing nearly as bad as they had imagined. PJ was the best, giving a bulk of As. Given their positions, actually,(?) I'd be pretty happy with a couple of Cs. Well, I'm happy for you girls.

Days have been spent pretty unproductively these couple of days. Just slacking and catching up with them. Eating, as usual. Gonna have a swim later today and catch a bit of the sun tomorrow in the wee hours of the day.

Great plan.

Hopefully nothing like, bad mad thundery rainstorms come crashing my party. Anybody wanna join?

I've recently realised, slacking isn't a good thing at all. For starters, you sleep too much and you have too little time of the day to do anything else. And your bio-clock gets screwed and you get fucklazy ala Garfield.

And every fuckin' day is Sunday.

Not fun if that's the case.

I shall cease with the formalities and head to some exercising in the gym room. I reckon some of that could help burn off unwanted worries. Well, not entirely of course. Lest, where will the money Jean Yip, Marie France and err California Fitness centres get the excess machines to absorb more money!!? (In this case, Sweat = Money.)

The nice towels they offer - clean, white, fragrant smelling little sheets, fluffy and always there to wipe off your smelly perspiration. When infact - their all machine-washed, drowned in cheap lousy bleach, dunked into powdered detergents (hardly even rinsed completely), and well accumluated with the many other users' sweats.

Now that's money ( = Sweat) well spent.

There's a 'Shall We Dance' DVD somewhere in the house. Shall We Catch it? (applies to person in first 3 lines.)

Maybe not.

Micheal Buble's version of 'Sway' is such a beautiful piece. Oh what am I saying, 'Sway' itself is such a nice song.

I'm just fucklazy about everything. But just so excited when it comes to You...

I get lost in your eyes

2005-02-28T11:34:00.000+08:00

She squeezes the suds created with much vigour. More and more water begin their mad rush to their hometown. Weird - I begin to ponder what drives her. Could it be her zest over not having anything to do everyday? Or maybe it's just the obvious fact that she's going bananas.

Always conscious of her outlook, her nails are crimson red and dashed with a generous array of glitter - there's those which shine blatantly regardless how blind one is gonna get; the ones that don't shine at all no matter how much light is being reflected from every angle; and the ones that just look plain silver.

That for you, my friends, is my maid. Yes, the one who daydreams.

Oh for the love of God, I wonder why she even attempts to re-create a fashion faux pas when she knows no one at home even bothers. Maybe I see a big silver lining in the process. Maybe.

And my Tumtum beeps eloquently through my loud, rancid, albeit rude thoughts.

There the secretary of the Boss looks for me with much unwanted grammatical tardiness. And not to mention RUDE behavioural tactics. She ought to learn better.

Then the fourth in the series of messages she's sent me and it accuses me of being The One who told everyone she's leaving the job. And I am being maligned for telling my Mom, somehow i feel like I've been cheated of my innocence. Oh, screw it.

What a mundane story telling session.

So far, today has been a most enlightening morning. With nothing else but a basic theory book and Tumtum next to me, I feel more than contented with today's 'workload'.

At this time, I would be off for lunch and ready to go. Work has it's constraints but i'm pretty happy with them. I'm home today 'cause i skipped work, since lazy bones acted up. And I being the submissive sort, just got overwhelmed by them.

It was my last day of work that I never had. Haa! So I'm off to collect my paycheck tomorrow then!

REPLIES:

Marilyn>>
You're not lost. You're just inside this crazy little thing called Love. We are all little survivors overcoming the odds and being the best we can to keep it that way. -Sigh. How tragic! Maybe with love as strong as yours, we could all be glee!

Jolynn>>
Mmms. Maybe i have fetish for certain special men. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but I'm pretty sure it's a darn good thing. Time for more scanning: Wednesday perhaps?

Joanna>>
I can't quite imagine if the two of us were to cry together on the same cab. Sometimes it's when you're alone and have nothing else better to do that things start to feel so out of reach. -Geah. I think I'm feeling that all the time. I have absolutely nothing to speak of. Anyway, how was the sweet dreams with the big, round, knowledgable, expensive and not to mention shiny object you purchased yesterday?

Jaciel>>
You are in love with the dog - my dog. Balls, you want to caress his balls. -Tsk Tsk. How fascinating. Please let me know how many strands of fur he has under there? Heh heh.

P/S: Do not ask me why I'm typing like this.

euphoria

2005-02-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

u bring me to the heights of the skies and depths of the seas i love you so much.

and even today as i chat with you, my heart beats faster and faster. i've run out of things to try to get you interested in me anymore. maybe it's ended, finally after so long.

with you boy

2005-02-21T17:45:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh.

i just realised i like you alot. and really a WHOLE LOT. i'm dead.

and the winner is...

2005-02-21T13:07:00.000+08:00

WILL U MARRY ME JON JONSSON? i'll give u anything u want.

am in office now, and i just read the papers and found out how suddenly that jon is the winner for manhunt, plus he is currently in sgp! tell me he is hot. (i broke the climax for most manhunt followers. heh.)

i love you jon. u love me don't you?

yikes, i'm beginning to freak myself out.

mmms. i'm going to ye rongwei's house later. (: he's such a sweet chap! i wish quan were around to accompany me, now at least then we would have a decent conversation starter to begin with. yet again, on what basis would he do something like that for me.

afterall, i'm just your sis. the sis you acknowledged and left alone. i'm so unwilling, to allow things to end up this way too. i didn't wish to be this hung up on you either.

in the past, i used to be online for one person. but now, even when i see you around i'm hesitant even to stay online.

replies:

marr>>
hahah, being a big spender makes me happy! hahah i wish i had MORE resources. u should have come along lah!

jaciel>>
hahhahahahahahah I MEAN HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH. i missed that cavewoman. i lost a lot lah... -sad. and what ah, oh hello to you too (: had a nice chat too!

tempted to touch

2005-02-20T01:57:00.000+08:00

ilostmoney! mmms. shouldn't be complaining too much should i.

i'm beginning to feel as if i should start my spring cleaning. although it's not a correct way of putting it. i ought to begin to do something about my empty room. it's a little more than sparse and i have no idea why.

on the bright side though, i will have the time to do that later in the month. i will have time for a whole lot of other things. since i'll be working from home, i can save the hassle of going to work in the wee hours of the day. and still get paid!

boy am i glad or what!

so, i could get myself a weekend job. so i'll have another added source of income. by the time school opens in late may, i would already have saved just enough to buy school neccessities. provided i stick to my regime of not overly stressing on retail therapy!

these few days have been spent super fruitfully. it's a bliss to know so many intelligent people are there for me! i love my 3 girlfriends and i wish everytime was gathering time. i missed you all already!

replies:

marr>>
-sighs. i wonder if i can make it for the bangkok trip.. on one hadn i can meet my dad again, but on the 0ther i'll be like spending money.. which is such a bad thing.

joll>>
u did recoup some of that now! so stop complaining. i lost so much lor. -heart's in agony!

jaciel>>
muahhahahahaha, are u trying to make me!?!?!? i can't wait for freddy to propose to you soon. he's oh so sensitive. and oh so loveable.

since you've been gone

2005-02-17T12:30:00.000+08:00

like a thunder bolt, no trace of you to be found.

i am officially heartbroken and ready to wallow.

ah fuck it. whatever, i'm staying put on the job till the end of the month before going back to bumming around as a full time slacker and having endless prata sessions, screwed bio-clocks, free to entertain schedules, no more need to wake up in the early mornings.

man, in just a couple of months, school would be starting and my take would be that everyone would be younger than i am and are richer than i am ever gonna get.

i'm feeling contradictions in my blood.

i am in the office slacking as usual. the comp here is officially mine! together with the ugliest wall paper and (oh wells) memories.

the short stint here has been great. office politics occur in every single line and i'm pretty sure i've seen just about the shadiest in all 3 jobs.

gambling at my place tomms! dunno what to say about it. just be there if u can.

blogging is a chore so i shall go and play bejewelled!

reply:

marrr>>
can't u see my boredom has reached the climax!

together at last

2005-02-14T14:52:00.000+08:00

8.2.05
shopped for more and more clothes! since it was eve already. bought like what ah, oh... a straw bag and err, i can't remember.

saw the cutest guy i've ever seen. oh god help. in heeren. RED adi JERSEY, beige visor and a nice goatee to top it all off. and a great face if i might say. (enough junlynn, i know he might have hiv, be wearing a wig, have fetishes for men, be a crazy cuckoo head. and so and so forth.)

but i am in love-at-first-sight. eye contacted like for the longest time and i think i died on the way out. met him 3 times, inside heeren shops. ahhh, absolute bliss.

i met danny too plus zekun in that funky shoe shop. haha how weird. my bro and his cute basketball captain lookalike were shopping too! suddenly i realise how old i'm growing.

got home in time for our reunion dinner! a tad quiet, unlike the ones we had earlier in my life. my parents divorced, grandma leaving. but it was really sweet to have a simple meal without The Piss. his presence really screws things up.

was too full to walk. i tuned to mtv in the living room and was dancing to dip it low. WHEN I WAS WATCHED BY A VERY STRANGE NEIGHBOUR. perhaps i was strange. but, i was dancing in my house- just dancing in my house, ugly-ly; dreadfully.

realising my(?) folly, i slowed down the beat and gradually stopped roving around. praying she'd think i was not stupif. okay i gave up and ran to my room soon after.

9.2.05
i think i blogged about this already. but oh what the hell. i'm not supposed to say words that require evil spells to be bound to. so, HELL, DIE, KAOPEI, err, anything remotely that's gotta do with blood is off. even MENSTRATION.

was at yen's place. and hung around till 3am. got tired and slept.

10.2.05
i stayed home the entire day. and was bored like fuck, but i slept nonstop and it felt really good, woke up to watch my favourite korean drama, and cried an entire bucket on the first disc. caught like 8 episodes. and i'm already so good at korean (i'm bluffing).

11.2.05
got dressed and headed to chris' place. hung around to receive as many angpaos as possible. and -gleams got quite a bit. max was a cute ass golden retriever.

then moved on to zhicheng's house. which was nearby my place, felt outta place so we left pretty early. dropped by aunt hazel's place to collect more angpao!! dined at sushi tei WHICH MADE ME REALLY FAT TODAY. headed for joll's place soon (:

joll asked me out, i asked pj out. (i think?) so we decided to hang out.

intending to bunk the night away were joll and i gazing into telly screens with korean dramas. intentions never come out the way you want them to, so we never got to.

alas, met derek, soon hui and soon heng in the 7-11 and we casually asked them out.

2am, we (pj, joll, i, derek, soonhui, soonheng, huijie and XUANXUAN[huijie's bro]) congregated at the community centre and agreed to gamble. HAAA! since it was new year anyway. I DIDN'T WIN. fuck. but how much can one win with dollar bets?

played different games. card games, hand games. playable games. we were bored. so we ended up chatting. and laughed into a ball. but it was crazy, by the time it was 7plus they were all fast falling asleep, even yours truly.

breakfast in mac's and headed our separate ways.

awwww. how nice. the suddeness of it all. and the great time we had. (: i had a great time, dunno about everyone.

went home at 9am. and was a tired little girl. flapped onto the sofa without bathing nor removing contact lenses. -loud thud.

12.2.05
slept till the crack of dusk and was grumpy. the lack of sleep was driving me insane. danny called me to ask a couple of friends over since he was bringing his bunch. and i was like uhhh so last minute ah. and that was like 8pm, asked them to come over at 11 at that time really was bad.

only like 3 people managed to come over. made me really sad. baba said she would come. joll had morning plans, sam didn't reply, pj was at her cousin's place, too last minute for the others.

ughh... frustrated.

anyway, THIS COMING FRIDAY (18th feb), GAMBLING SESSION AT 14 PARK VILLAS RISE. BE THERE OR BE SQUARE hahah. i'll start the ball rolling at say 10pm.

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T ASK.

anyway, thanks kim, cherlyn, joanna and zhong for coming over. was great. hope u guys had fun! this joanna and cherlyn are like veteran mahjongers lor. i don't even know how to wash the tiles. -humph.

still learning how to play daidee and mahjong and bridge. haha.

finished all gamblings at 6.20am. cherlyn and joanna and i had prata at athira since ong dropped us off. (: how sweet. he betted on me, he betted!!!!! hahaha. i'm so happy. what the hell, superman is cute rightttttt???? managed to finally sleep at 9.

13.2.05
woke up from joll's call. IRRITATING ringtone haha. finally at 3pm i replied her text. she came over to my place from the club. soon, pj came to pick us up and we immediately headed to sam's place.

WHAT AN EXPENSIVE RIDE!

blackjacked again. and the richest? pj and samm.

POOREST? jolynn chew and her FORTY DOLLARS LEH! I LOST 40 FRICK-IN BUCKS LEH!

i broke even, -cold sweat dripping. that was last minute winnings lor. wahlao should have won the last 20 bucks from pj. haha.

hung around till late and dined at tampines mall. finally had a chance to have a good tete a tete with sam, very much anticipated one. great one. ((:

today
ALMOST couldn't drag my lousy ass up from bed this morning. was really bad. luckily mom was coming along too! so we could come together haha. i was late again, not suprising, after the weeklong hiatus and i'm still a lazy grouch.

nothing much happened, only it's really cold and my fingers are slightly numbed. my mobility and movements are to be restrained haha. poor me. i make myself sound like charity work.

came back from lunch not long ago which lasted for the LONGEST time. mom and i went shopping at wisma. haha spotted nice earrings in isetan which i'm gonna get with the girlfriends imma be meeting in 1 hours' time!

can't wait. oh, what in interesting valentine's day.

REPLIES:

cher>>
hey sweets thanks for coming over that night. i think the horny nick chan needed u girls to be around to be a casanova with hahahaha. he is retarded. mahjong kancheong! dun even rhyme haha. see u friday ah!

crys>>
thanks LAH. HAHAH SECOND TIME!!

jo>>
yes i'm sure i had a great start in the chinese new year. lots of gamblings. wooo more to come!!!! i'm not gonna be zheng kay.. i dun have money... and thanks for all the support when i needed it!!!

jaciel>>
yes i dun give 2 fucks, i give it 3! hahahah... the other day my friends were laughing about this. haha. thanks for the encouragement man! tell u so many times to come over, DON'T WANT. see lah.

marilyn>>
oi.. can skip church not... friday night come over ah... alot of people staying tampines haha.

samm>>
WAMMIE SAMMIE!! i love you so, u know? see me in my office now!

calvin>>
thank you for the second time uncle lee! haha, never ask me out one. you are such a lousy liar! i haven't seen u in soooo long man. happy cny to u TOO!

kim>>
yes!! NO I SHOULD thank u for coming over instead. up for friday? text me okay? meanwhile, u take care while we are not in visible distances ((: and zhong is a nice person haha! he said my kettle is black. so ask him to buy me a new one on friday ah.

no use crying

2005-02-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

mmms haven't been coming here in a long while feeling so raw here.

i missed you darlinK. and i missed your coolass driving. you ticking my funny bones and toes. thanks for inviting.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR U GUYS. i'm feeling it. (although my pockets dun.)

mmms. big shout out to everyone who left msges. be it texts, emails, a handshake, msn and comments on the blog. thanks!

i haven't been blogging much at all. so sorry. haven't been free enough to sit by and explain how gradually my life is rotting away. and how unsplendid i've been being.

quite fucked up really

the flicks in the theatres suddenly all very suck cock so i haven't catched one in years. and why my english so fucked, i also dunno. i'm just so tired from all the shit i've been thru.

on the other hand, a lighter note. pj came over to do her nails and we went over a whole lot. started chatting and felt much much better after the episode. feeling really glad that all has passed and i'm finally i'm able to openly tell her what it is that's been buggin me.

and honestly. i'm happy that she's not giving me the reaction i expected.

THANKS PJ. you're a lovely girl and we must communicate more! ((:

girl u know u better watch out. some guys some guys are only about

2005-02-04T13:15:00.000+08:00

there's this awful song in my head. ON REPEAT; actually it's not that bad, it's an old old tune. it goes like i have been waiting for the longest time. ....... i dunno how the rest goes.

but god damnit. i'm been humming this damned same thing for the last hour or so.

i'm feeling quite sick of it. and i'm eating starbucks' potato salad, really my job is screwing my brains big time!

shitlah, my tummy is playing catching. definitely not a good sign. ta. i replied all the comments in the last window i'm fucken lazy about everything. fuckkk.

i need.

2005-02-01T21:32:00.000+08:00

It's such a shame
but I'm leavin'.

Can't take the way you mistreated me.
And it's crazy, but oh, baby
It don't matter,
whatever, don't phase me.

All my pride is all I have.
You'll be needin' me, but too bad,
You had to your choice to run alone.
Here with me you had a home.

my favorite song. and quite apt tonight. can't believe valentine's is just ROUND THE CORNER. and however heartbroken i am isn't gonna make me happier innit.

so, i shall be happy. gay. exhilerated, mirthful. whateverr.

YEAHH, manhunt's gonna be up at 10ish on cable. whooopi. i adore john johnson(spell?). he is how HOT. i hope he doesn't get eliminated!!! though he's a tad short, 5"11??? short...? i am barely 5"3. HAHAHAHAHA VERY SHORT LAH.

maybe 'cause it's american standards, but that's like just nice for me. if he's rejected he can be my model, haha, right... too bad for him i'm too fat and i have an ugly ugly face. WHY IS IT SO UNFAIR.

i'm getting mommy a ring for her birthday! which falls on chinese new year's eve!!! haha. i'll prolly spend all my paycheck on her. I WISH SHE DOES THE SAME. only my paycheck is a tiny tiny tiny fraction of hers.

there was this fucken distinct i wanted to blog about but its since been bleached off my brains.

anyways, here's a sneak peak at the new layout which i might not even utilise.

REPLIES:

jaciel>>
TELEVISION!!!! ((: i know u confirm go. CHEYYYYYYY, still wanna act seh right. hahaha.

marr>>
hahah i tell u another time what i meant.

you're my heart; my soul; my everything

2005-01-31T23:05:00.000+08:00

HEADACHEEEEE... achy breaky heart of mine, (okay no link).

mmms, today is baba and joll's last day at work. it's a blend of good and bads?

we had baba's last supper which ended up in us window shopping. me spotted myself a pair of new heels, clothes from g-star and this faded polo tee. (: looking forward to shopping day!

mmms baba ate her pasta after complaining and wailing the entire day. she was damn syndromic with her guys, as usual. OH MY GOD, if i see that guy she's so scandalous with, i think i can faint and die. so embarrassing lah.

shitlah i got lots of things to do the whole of this week 'cause they left me alone. boo.

was at far east when we saw nigel and chatted a bit and exchanged msn. but i lost it haha, mmms he looks awfully different, old perhaps? we're all old now anyway.

leftfoot has nice nice shoes, can't get my decision straightened out. -pulls hair. so many pairs of dunk lows i wanna gettttt. their pretty as I CAN BE. hahaha, that's such a contradicting statement.

let's see what happened over the past few days, summarize ah.

saturday
-tanned
-saw yen's new place, also my temp house.
-shopped for cup noodles at hougang point.
-DIDNT SWIM.
-jaciel called me 'cause she saw me.
-slept till forever
-woke up for chomp with joll and pj. supper's killing.

sunday
-woke up at dunno what time.
-telly-ed the whole day.
-painted my nails princess pink
-called junlynn out for a drink.
-met junlynn at gardens.
-she came over and we telly-ed.
-ATHIRA FOR PRATA, supper.
-tried to not fag.

i have this tremendously boring lifestyle. but i like it.

REPLIES:

joll>>
we got our pay. YIPPIES...

marr>>
aiyo, how to shop togets if your attachment is there!! cannot go, i don't allow.

jaciel>>
MAD AH. hahahaha actually i did that to you. you love me is it. HAHAHAHHAA. i'm damn embarrassed lah, if i see him again i will be shy hahaha.

ryl>>
sure u will drop by school right. shitlah i'm so looking forward to school i know i sound damn hell lame. but i haven't had school in a year man........

remind me to buy a webcam when i get my new comp.

2005-01-29T01:22:00.000+08:00

remember when we were young and you were mine.

we chatted over msn a couple of days ago, you're giving me the cold shoulder but not being aloof. you called me sweetie. am i supposed to be your sister now?

i came home late and work sucked like crazy. not that i taste like candy.

THE TWO SILLY BUGGERS ARE QUITTING COME MONDAY. back to square one again.. perhaps that's fine. maybe it's better that way, that i could concentrate more on my work?

got a stack of paperwork to compile; and lots of calls to make. nonetheless, still easy cheesy.

somehow or another when school starts, i'll be missing the slack i think. mmms, i'm prolly too far-fetched again. look. maybe school could prove to be a REAL quantum leap? only the classmates i'm having are gonna be years younger.

I'M MAKING MYSELF SOUND INCREASINGLY OLD.

but i am ain't i.

REPLIES:

kim>>
hey you. nolah, actually i wasn't talking about him in the last entry. if u read carefully and in between the lines enough. quan and i are not gonna work out and i got it settled already. we still talk but the liking him part is just not there anymore. THANKS FOR THE NICE OFFERS ANYWAYS!

ryl>>
yeah man... but when i get in to school everyone would have been preoccupied with their attachments. ): that's so sad. EVERYONE is gonna be younger than me lah. shit. haha.

jaciel>>
are my eyes fooling me? or are both vowels placed together in a conspicious manner?

marr>>
AHHHHHHHH. sounds good man. shitlah. SHITLAH. but hey i heard sydney is super duper anti-chinese. so if and when u guys do get it which i know u will, must take great care alright...

damage control

2005-01-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

i get so angry every now and then.

i thought i was just gonna brush the issue aside and be pragmatic about the whole thing. perhaps i gave it a thought too much.

so what if i think i'm slightly better than you? etiquette-wise you're not gonna win me. your english honestly suck cock, fuckanathan yourself. and fuck lah, if you're so great why reduce yourself!

maybe i'm being too selfish on my part.

but if you start your loud ass comments, i'm sorry i can too.

if you're so damned great you wouldn't NEED A DAMNED SIDEKICK.

I DUNNO MAN, I GOT MYSELF A STUPID VACATION JOB AND I TREASURE THE WRONG PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. I APOLOGISE FOR EVEN TRYING TO HAVE BEEN A CONFIDANTE; A GOOD FRIEND. A PERSON WHO COULD TRUST YOU FOR YOUR RUBBISH.

-dissed as fuck.

anyways, joll and i headed to work togets. she was so angry with me for being late haha. and she refused to listen to my explanation. like a bloody parent scolding a child over spilled milk, she rang like crazy at my ears and i finally gave up retaliating.

bottom-line is she waited for an extra 20 minutes 'cause my bus was really late. as cliched as it may sound like a secondary school lie which is obscenely common.

but how can she stay angry for long??? besides i'm such a sweet face HAHA. yuck that's damn sick. best friends fight too, but that was the first almost heated argument we had, other than if u compare the primary 5 one and the one when we were in sec 2. yapp.

I'M SORRY LAH. really sorry, will change the late attribute.

anyways joll headed back early and baba didn't come to work. so i was alone. boo!

then amery called me, he was lame. picked me up from work and sent me home. after so long of not seeing this piano prodigy, our brief encounter was awfully uncalled for.

reached home with his crazy driving, -scared. he doesn't wear his seat belt so neither did i. shit i've never done that in sgp yet.

mark believes he is my current squeeze (NOT!!!) when he saw me in front seat. his eyes fixated on amery HAHA, that was damn scary. i waved goodbye and left the building.

-sighs. i'm still bothered by the person.

and, let's see. i napped all the way upon reaching home. just woke up. believe friday's gonna be a better day than today.

reply:

marr>>
thanks sweet. you're really just the bomb (:

retracting in solace

2005-01-26T11:40:00.000+08:00

he was warm
he came around and he was dignified.
showed me what it was to cry.

can't believe that after all i went through all that with you- you just shoved me aside like some fan. not even thanks? not even thanks.

a fading torment, this is.

days have been increasingly comforting. with my bestie around me all the time. we've been chatting more and more and more. haha. catching up on lost quality time during secondary school days. that's like how sad. err, but i'm beginning to wonder if it's a good thing or bad.

nights have decreasingly constipative effects. it's how sad, i keep farting like crazy then when i wake up it's nuclear bombing time.

shitlah my money's all run out. i'm only left with this really really expensive EZlink card in my wallet and that's about all. i feel so sad. i'm dying from dollarphobia. this is for the whole entire month! man, that's 6 more days. i am dying.

I'M HOW EXCITED. FOR PAY TO BE CREDITEDDD.

i'm eating so much everyday. it's so bad. i'm going to SICC with joll tonight for some swimming. hahahahahahah she needs lessons still hahaha. shit hope she doesn't read this. anyways fifity laps for me please.

i need a new laptop, the one at home has no WiFi. so i must get myself a new one with ALL THE COOL TECHIE STUFF. like bluetooth so i could zap all my pictures and have a wireless printer installed.

i wish money fell from the sky. anyway obviously it doesn't. so i'm off to work soon, work beckons. at least i'm working for it.

REPLIES: (like finally i'm just damn lazy to blog anymore. the enthu-ness's fizzled out.)

jaciel>>
i wish i could talk to Richard Lui though. HE IS THA MAN.. -drools. don't be a nonsense kia. let's see if you're the first this time again haha. shitlah it's been so cool luckily i tapped on your back if not we won't be talking haha. (freddy at metro HAHAHA.)

marr>>
i wish a million people read my blog haha. then i will be earning big bucks for every person who drops by to say hi. TEEHEE. U GET WELL PLS. and dun think about that person anymore, i don't care at all anyways, piss me off like everytime. kudos to you term is overrr!

junlynn>>
do u know i haven't seen you in so long. like LAST YEAR... last year sounds so long ago haha. yah your voice damn sexy man cannot make it hahah. aiyo, get well soon okay?

kim>>
hahah pls.. what spoiler nonsense. i will text you many many many one day. LIKE YOUR PASSWORD HAHAHAH. okay lah, actually i didn't get it till marilyn explained it thoroughly heh. i'm so sorry about the comment box. mmms. this weekend okay? u won't die of old age haha, only the most one wrinkle

samm>>
are they the ones marr and i are talking about? i totally agree that they should be eradicted and RETURN PEOPLE THE THINGS THEY BELONG TO. -PULLS HAIR.

joll>>
I KNOW YOU'RE BORED WHAT'S HI.

Embark on anew

2005-01-22T18:45:00.000+08:00

i fucken need to go for plastic surgery lah. runaway from you or something. quan you're screwing me up like crazy. everytime i shut my eyes you're there, hovering to get my attention. and when i run you chase after me and when i want you, YOU'RE OUT OF REACH LAH.

it's the edge of the world in all of western civilisation,
the sun may rise in the east at least it settles in the final location..

man i am such a sore loser.

anyways mmms, had prata with noell last night. it is truly dumb. it's always ATHIRA (which is 3 minute walk from my place) even though there are people who drive to drive.

mom said i'm gaining back the pounds i lost last year. ah fuck. BUT WHO CAN RESIST PRATA. plus ice dinosaur, although my throat is how aggravated already. i'm just gonna be making things worse.

so if i complain during the next couple of weeks that my throat is aching my phelgm is thick like mud or my bones are protruding- ignore with much enthusiasm pls.

i just had adam road nasi lemak. HOW TO BE SKINNY AND BE WORLD CLASS SUPERMODEL????????? (i am joking. not the adam road part.) courtesy of my supper kaki.

oh, sorry marilynnnnnnnnn for today was a bad day. and i'm damn angry with everything. nothing good ever comes out of them shitlah.

CONTRADICTIONS CONTRABANDS CONTRASTS

2005-01-21T17:14:00.000+08:00

Is that all you got? I'll take your best shot, I'LL TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT!

from a person who's always on the outside of the box and certainly undermined by everyone i strongly agree that all in all the epitome of ATTENTION SEEKING comes from loneliness within. -winks.

it's just rumours. (: never believe them even in their worst disguises, (eg; from your beau's diary or an incessant text).

reading too deep into simple sentences can send wrong messages. scratching the mere surface and not looking far enough may seem insincere enough.

being sick made me see things so much more clear. so this is how you look at me.

REPLIES:

jaciel>>
don't talk cock haha. i'm online even as i blog. but my whole router at home is gone lah, lest i'd be online like 24/7 and chatting nonstop since the flu bug has caught me. oh get well soon too ah! I STILL HAVEN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR TAGBOARD YET.

marr>>
duh. YAY, shitlah it means i must save like shit now. i'm always saving moolah but i spend more instead. maybe i should just get post cheques and bank them all at one shot. haha. and i knew that was you. oh, i can't upload yet lah. my comp is the one connected to the casio rocker thingy.

kim>>
haha i lost the password and everything for the haloscan thing i make one new profile for you lah. sorry my memory is like quite bad at these techie stuff. (: i'm like how sick sorry we couldn't meet on wednesday, hope you're enjoying your trip thoroughly. i love you love. oh anyway, i got your password and username already, the person on top gave it to me haha.

junlynn>>
tell you or don't tell you is quite similar right. Since auntie tiger beer seller last time, IS SO GODDAMNED BUSY NOW. ask you out and u say next week. it's been like perhaps 69 next weeks?

vicky>>
YES YES YES. HOW YOU KNOW AH. SO HIGH. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. shit thats so me.

janice>>
school ah. it states in the letter that school only commences in may 23rd which is like damn long long time more besides, by then you would have already graduated haha. that's like how not nice, never mind u can go back TP for western food haha. OF COURSE I THANK YOU.

Joll and BABA>>
you all are like how bad. EVERYTIME LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE TYPING. and act cover the screen with your hands. PLS I CANNOT TAHAN. eh, baba, hows mark. when is your baby due? HE IS NOT MY GODFATHER EEEE.

sammie>>
i don't like mambo so much lah. boogeying is good but, BUT but. I WAS SICK, haha lest i would have had much more fun. shitlah i'm still so damn sick. nose is filled with those gooey stuffies. sorry we didn't dance much togets next week next week confirm will dance more hiong.

VAL>>
thanks you're the bomb. haha. can't believe we never really chatted before it's like you know hahah. you're always away lah.

succumb to temptations

2005-01-20T22:24:00.000+08:00

my laptop is cleared. rid of all cursed pop ups and what nots. 'cause danny reformatted the comp. THREE CHEERS.

i have A LOT OF BLACK HEADS ON THE NOSE. it's how black now. which means it's time to spend money on a well planned facial.

and i am sick as measles.

i have had an on-going fever tournament since 2 whole days ago when- during work it hit me at the bones. i just stashed the entire matter aside thinking it was just a migraine or something.

then my bones ached like some lava. and i reassured myself i was getting sick. reckon it's about high time a disease chanced upon my over healthy self. i've been too over nourished, time to take it all away and hopefully steal a couple of pounds away with it.

i'm just lazy.

been sleeping the entire day. since that was the only thing i could actually do. i can't walk i can't eat i can't watch the telly 'cause my eyes get so hot every once in a while even when i blink it scalds the eyeballs.

i have the worst breath now 'cause i've been breathing through my mouth for the last 24X3 hours. SINCE MY BOTH NOSTRIL PASSAGES ARE JAMMED WITH GREENISH STUFF. (snorts are how nice.)

but i've also brushed my teeth thrice the number of times i should have during that period. the listerine in my toilet is finally being utilised in a correct manner.

i haven't gone to work in two days.

but i've been laughing nuts during the last two and half days. been playing around, laughing and clubbing and meeting ups and drinking VERY slightly.

it all rounds up quite proportionately and justly. i've drained all the energy i have.

tuesday
someone chided baba joll and i for laughing very loudly at some silly old lad who couldn't understand joll's profound capacity for the chinese language.

i was so scared i was gonna piss on my pants. i'm sorry i'm how chicken.

but joll is how heroic. authority doesn't seem to be in her dictionary. SHE IS UNFAZED BY SENIORITY. i must rob her of those genes and the skinny ones.

i began to feel quite sick just before lunch, DIDN'T CARE ANYWAY. happily lunched over at the kopitiam opp. baba got cheated as usual, she bought a packet of tissue for thirty cents. hahaha. and paid quite a bit for her meal.

i understand her agony.

somehow, the thought of meeting iona chew was quite the energy booster since i haven't seen her in the last 6 or 7 years. and i was how enlightened when i met amelia and sinhui togets with baba in town coincidentally.

AMELIA AND SINHUI are damned funny. it was a traumatic experience, IN THE PAST, IN THE PAST.

iona and i really just laughed like crazy. decked out behind the takashimaya building to just sit around to chat. haven't had such great laughs since meeting quan that night.

she's really nice, wonder why i was so mean in the past. i was really damn bad. after hearing what she had to say, you know i was how sad?

I DID THIS TO IONA:
- SEND HER A VERY MEAN BIRTHDAY CARD WHICH WAS DAMN UGLY.
- SANG A WHOLE VERY MEAN SONG ABOUT HER TOGETS WITH JOLL.
- SOLD HER A STUFFED SHEEP FOR 10 BUCKS IN PRIMARY 5. it had a hole in it- a big one.

these are the ones she reminded me of. i'm truly sorry.

but she also fought back LAH. so it wasn't that bad. haha.

she: you know there was this once, you gave me this paddington bear pyjamas and i was so happy.
me: huh? did i, i seriously can't remember.
she: yah you said this to me, iona, i give you lah, i can't wear it anymore.
me: (LAUGHING NONSTOP NOW.) HAHAHA fuck damn funny. yes i was damn fat since forever.
she: you know i was so happy 'cause i really liked it a lot.

she: remember there was once we were VERY VERY BROKE. and in taka. you handed me this 1000 bill of rupiah.
me: YES YES YES.
she: HAHAHAHAHAH (her laughter is how scary.) and i went to fucken go change it at the money changer's
me: AND I THOUGHT WE FUCKEN COULD GET ROUGHLY A COUPLE OF HUNDREDS.
she: HAHAHHAHAHAHAH. but when i came back, i said very disappointingly and handed you that 60 cents.
me: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I WAS HOW SAD. cannot even take the train.

we were how lame.

oh, and i went home sick as hell and in bid to be thrifty opted to take public transport instead of cab back. and i thought i was gonna somehow faint on the way.

wednesday
skipped work. as i had already said. dined at ding tai fung with the family and took a couple of photos. will upload as soon as the computer is up and running which IS NOT.

my laptop is how inefficient, i don't dare to install anything else other than remotely the apps i NEED.

anyways, finally left my place at 9pm, still feeling rather down with the influenza hanging around like some cobweb. picked joll up and we headed straight to black for FREE DRINKS.

haha i know we're damn cheapo.

the worst thing is i didn't even drink alcohol since i thought i was gonna go to work today. but i did end up drinking a couple of sips from joanna's drink since she offered, i really cannot RESIST.

four of us, mar jo joll and i all left from black straight to zouk.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE ELEVATOR? no one pressed level one. so it blacked out and i thought it broke down and scared me quite a lot. WE SCREAMED DAMNED LOUDLY, till at least when marilyn ran to the controls haha.

HAD TO ENTER BY PHUTURE'S DOOR 'CAUSE AIYA, 'cause only i think i know why. joll is always so blur.

met up michelle, audrey, amanda, kelly errr phil, that wally guy, bart simpson(i dun even know his name), sebastian, marilyn and joanna of course. I LEFT OUT BABA.

lala, i'm damn lazy to elaborate.

sebastian sent all of us home in the tuscani. HAHA I'M SO THANKFUL I'M SO FAT, only that once. the four of them: kelly, joll, eric and i dunno what that guy's name squeezed behind. stupid dumbass keep pushing the front seat haha. wooo seb's turns are nice. haha

i'm how sleepy will reply tomms.

i stayed up to think of you.

2005-01-17T10:16:00.000+08:00

i am tha pink. haha. okay lah i'm obvly bored balls. plus again, i'm in the office and alison is next to me happily chatting away too! haha. joll just went to the loo with her formidable bladder. and i'm wearing these amazing heels today.

i feel so high and tall and bossy.

i look like a teacher. haha.

wells, what was i supposed to do ah?.. mmms. oh. -waves hi to yiwoon and VAL.

my desktop at home has conked on me. and my laptop is FILLED with unneccessary viruses and files which danny sneakily downloaded without my knowledge.

so basically my laptop has a porn search engine for starters. and MANY MANY NASTY POP-UPS. i hate myself for surfing so much sometimes.

i don't know about you guys but i don't think porn turns me on. even turns me off instead. it's like the constant fear of any sibling or mother OR WORSE MAID- hears or sees the unthinkable!!

speaking my my maid. she's been screwing up like crazy nowadays. first, she thinks she's right like all the time and she fucken always wanna correct me lah! fuck i'm damn pissed off.

last night- i got her to bake brownies the kind where you just add eggs and oil and water and mix like crazy and pop it into the oven.

LIKE THAT ALSO CAN SCREW UP. what the fuck is the world coming to? the thing CHAOTAH man. so i screamed nonstop at her without giving any leeway for her to retaliate. (and i'm beginning to feel quite bad about the whole thing.) talk about condolences.

so she secretly asked nicks how to make me happy. i laughed nonstop when he told me. i heard my maid went to purchase a handphone and a HiCard for herself to use.

again- i feel damn bad for scolding her for using the house phone without my knowledge. aiya. i'm filled with apologies.

i'm just too darned face conscious man.

I GOT MY LETTER FROM TP. LALA.

gor. you're terribly missed like so much so much so much so much. all the time i'm giving myself excuses for you. this just can't go on anymore. i've said this so many times- let's go back to being kids okay? no strings attached no emotions involved no touchy feelings no looking into each others' eyes no holding hands.

REPLIES:

crys>>
hey you.. your sis and i are also damn slack. haha. i can't believe i'm blogging here every single day haha. shiok balls. HAPPY STUDYING.

joll>>
DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY? (she nods.) and later she assumes her position and starts working haha. YES THIS HAS WHAT WORK REDUCED ME TO. a very very lifeless individual with nothing much to speak of. maybe i should work on a new layout here. haha.

marr>>
yeahh. we go in april or some shit? i realise that in the letter, TP states the school commences in MAY LAH. OKAY.

VAL>>
that's nice haha. we should meet up lah. since we stay so near haha. you MSN? we can chat chat a bit first. really nice of you to drop by (:

ba ba>>
TELL ME WHY CAN'T YOU COMMENT HERE THAT YOU MUST COMMENT IN MY GUESTBOOK! haha yes i admit i complained that no one signs my guestbook, thanks for the thought.. do you need a magic lamp or a magic carpet more?

greatest view from here

2005-01-13T10:11:00.000+08:00

danny's back from the hospital! my maid had to wash his hair 'cause he still can't move his arm, at least for the next couple of months..

actually my maid had to be his hairdresser for in the patio then it was quite funny 'cause what the hell, all the neighbours will seriously think we're insane and that my bro is a handicap.

so bottomline is- he can skip National Service for like the longest time lah. haha bet he's so freaking happy.

which reminds me. i must go buy a bottle of shampoo since my house has totally run outta stock.. whoopi grocery shopping rocks balls.

anyways, work is fuck slack can. Joll and Allison and i are super-eaters! we've been munching on everything and anything we could get our money on haha. fish and chips, haribo, some espresso cookies, whatever it is lah. it's been going on since yesterday.

shit i feel so lousy about myself.

Econ hypermart is our snacking paradise man. i bought every burger but shall only consume it tomms. i've eaten far too much today.

i ate stingray and hokkien mee with sugarcane and chengteng last night in chomp with joll! which is damn funny since i tried to abstain from eating in forever.

luckily i cancelled the lameass impromptu supper with Him haha, lest the Fepp officially becomes a -snort snort snort.

i'm damn happy about getting into VSC. have been so mirthful on the entire matter wahaha. seriously in exhileration dey. never been this insync with something for some time now.

my maid is damn sickening man. SHE HAS BROKEN my 1- crystal vase. 2- mom's vcr and 3- the iron.

haha madness to the max..

I MISSED IT SO MUCH TODAY, SO MUCH I CAN DIE

thanks for all the well-wishes from everyone on my birthday! ((: appreciate the gesture a lot all the nice texts and messages from friendster and testimonials and calls and i dunno oh birthday card from far far away. ((: happy. little things make me awfully happy

REPLIES:

joll>>
you're bored like all the time. you're even bored now lah! chatting on the phone for mambo night haha, still wanna comment on my blog with me WITNESSING IT! what sincerity! i'm bored balls too. lest i wouldn't find myself blogging.

sammie>>
hey suppie i missed you quite a bit leh. bored balls as i said. lala. seriously can we meet up for phototaking sessions pls.. and the 'He's are depending on which period different people.

marr>>
hahah yes whichever's cheaper! nice seeing you in TP! SLACK RIGHT! pon school righttt.. hang out soon haha. p/s i really honestly blog in office only. haha, yes waste their resources. WE WILL BOOK OUR TICKETS SOON.

calvin>>
WHY SHOULD I SHUT MY GAP PLS

danks>>
words cannot contain the affection we share (: if you miss me like crazy u can call me. if u love me at all; you could fly down. BUT YOU WON'T! i was just joking. thanks for the present gor.

jo>>
oh yes. i'm happy like dunno what! VSC, VSC. i like... thanksssss again!

VAL>>
mmms. i'm working in river valley. yepps. it's understandable we're not doing anything much now like half the time we're online and stuff like that. haha. so this is the val that stays pretty near me?

ayu>>
i'm nineteen going on 20. that's like obscene man. i feel so wrinkly. luckily my boobs still defying gravity. ((: aiya. i'm damn ugly piece of jabronie crap face pls!

WHOSE PARTY PLS

2005-01-10T23:05:00.000+08:00

MINE MAHAHA ALL MINE!

okay lah that sounds damn sadistic.

wells. i haven't been here in a while. i have said that the internet at home is totally gone case (like only a zillion and one times). 'cause my router is so damned old. it's dusty inside. it's like the first generation of routers evolved.

i'm just being very complacent 'cause i want to spend money again. and i'm fucken making sure i'm spending it wisely by purchasing a value-for-money kind. yes i will.

mmms. it's my birthday today. i'm getting a new bed. a nice tall big Queen sized bed. perfect for little fat bodies. lala.

work has been lacklustre. joll's joining me tomms. TELL ME WHY IT'S SO UNBELIEVABLE.

and. mmms, wells. a lot has happened during that brief period i haven't been blogging. most good. etches a smile across my white face, plastering it there.

love is out of the question this year i think. i've been broken-hearted for so darn long. i think i shall just love an ugly old receding hairline uncle who drives a taxi okay.. just so damned tired of all the men around me. just scaring the anus off my rectum.

i got into the course that i like. so much i wanted it that, the 3 interviewers were so impressed by my enthusiasm. i mean- you should have seen that look on my face. i was feigning confidence like a faux pas but LUCKILY they bought that.

i met shikin(that pretty thang), ryl, chy, puay tien, sam, mar, jo, janice. errr dunno who else 'cause i saw like SO MANY familiar faces. i felt pretty lousy about myself. 'cause my friends all are in their senior years.

BUT AS FOR ME, oh first year pls.

THANKS. i'm not blaming anyone. there's only myself to be ashamed of. and i don't feel one bit remorseful. life has been great to me. i should free myself from whatever worries i deem fit to free myself of.

circles is what i'm talking in. lala.

i have supper with a friend tomms. ughh.. how the fuck do i get myself awake for work on wednesday!!!?

i'm fucken sleepy... shall go sleep now. reply all the comments tomms at work haha. yes marilyn i'm a slacker!!

oh i almost forgot to take back what i said about my brother. HAHA, i hope he reads not my blog. i hurled abuse and vulgarities all for balls. FIRSTLY, i want to divert all the curses to my maid. SHE HID MY PHONE AND MADE ME MISTAKE IT WAS MY BROTHER WHO STOLE IT. damned maid.

I'M SORRY NICKS, I HEREBY APOLOGISE TO WHATEVER MEAN THINGS I'VE SAID. lala.

MY MAID IS A FUCKANATHAN. SHE WOKE ME UP SO EARLY 'CAUSE SHE WAS SCRUBBING MY BALCONY THIS MORNING. UGHHHHH, SHE'S REALLY KILLIN' ME!

i love tumtum

2005-01-07T15:04:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! my freaking brother took my Tumtum. THE WORST THING IS: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK FOR!

he is totally screwing my day so bad man.

i had like what- 4 appointments lah. and i all fucken book same day leh. then now he STOLE my Tumtum. plus his phone is better than mine LAH. i'm like damn angry.

-BLOOD GUSHING ALL OVER THE PLACE. i got amery to cancel supper with; daniel to cancel any tentative appointment i have with; joanna to confirm since i'm dying to meet up with and lastly- quan to reply msg to.

quite shocked he texted me 'cause i thought he was avoiding me or some shit. he even asked me out lah. and i was like why the sudden change man? dunno lah, confusing man!

then how to contact all these people now???????????????? i don't know their numbers lah. stupid NICO. i swear i will kill him the next time i see him. fuck

damn hell pissed.

anyways, on a lighter note. joll's gonna start work with me on tuesday. amusing how this woman is gonna do. first job- haha. i remembered mine. it was quite horrible. i was damn shy and why am i talking about this? kudos to her man.

REPLIES:

marr>>
yay!! faster get your freaking papers over and done with. yeah we need to book tickets. actually we buy online can get better price. ValuAir ah?? I'M FRICKIN' BROKE.

jo>>
yes. somehow although we went through different kind of relationships. at the end of the day, we all end up losing all the same. so different yet so similar. looking forward to dinner okay!? okay lah i try to squeeze in bother of your schedules heh.

ayu>>
yeah. it's correct. 'cause i was talking all about '04 and what it's brought me like the being independant and all that shit? so it summed up as- in '03 i was being nothing like i was last year. haha quite dumb yeah. i talk around it circles it scares me. its the TENTH. haha.

kim>>
it's not a problem. never gonna be a problem- ever. i don't mind it one bit. just try to meet up occasionally before we entirely forget each other guess that's not anything that i want. haha i'd love to check out your spunky new hairstyle ((:

danks>>
I LOVE YOU. gor. ((: how's everything? gimme a ring asap alright...

liquid fantasy

2005-01-05T13:09:00.000+08:00

I'M OVER THE BROTHERS. but tad sad too. like i can't believe how the so many fucken years of knowing each other finally became a standstill and died altogether all at once.

maybe that's life.

maybe that's how it's gonna be for every phase i go through. every new old friend you meet might not be as wonderful as they seemed when you knew them back then.

maybe you change, maybe they've changed.

well, it's never up to me to ever be able to predict the uncertainties. yepp. besides, i wouldn't wanna see myself all crestfallen and disheartened by what my bleak future might behold. i would prefer to disclose my future when my future happens.

alright. now i'm blogging in the office and everyone is reading every single word i'm typing but it makes it all the more fun, no? oh whateverr to that. they all turned away after reading this haha.

mmms, everyone has flown off. save from myself and the other sgpreans who are still on this sunny little island. which is okay- shall not go any further since it's rather not ethical of me to.

let's see, i got my Aussie student visa already -gleams. they mailed me that shit. but now, i can't use it no more. since, well, i've made up my mind that i should respect mom's wishes and stay in sgp till at least i'm older and when she's able to cope herself.

which i reckon won't be anytime soon. soon being a three-year time span.

everyday of this demising life of mine i find myself meeting the people i'm close to only. never really tried to ask anyone. since the ones i've asked are always so fucken tied up with some shit. so yes, i'm not really happy with that.

never mind i called temasek poly, and i'm supposed to wait for the kanina stuck up operator to return my call for an interview date plus some drawing test since i lost my portfolio after sending the duplicate to Swineburne Uni.

fuck i wasted the whole entire freaking 2004. I THREW THE DAMNED YEAR AWAY. mainly 'cause of going to Melbourne took up so much of the entire year that in the end i decided not to go.

but many people i've met and gotten to know. and stuff i learnt. AND I'M SO INDEPENDANT NOW (really happy on this). i don't cab no more- instead i do public transport and eat cheap food. heck i even flew alone to a foreign land to meet my Daddykins.

which pretty much tells you what a bummer i was in '03. being fat and all and lazy and spoilt and always taking money from mom. how useless was i again?

PLEASE, mom just nagged at me for not taking my driver's licence. i have this feeling i'll never take it 'cause i'm so fucken lazy. i had an entire year to do the damned fucken thing. but no, i'm still complaining when the second year running that i could've taken my damned licence is here already.

I AM A BIG FAN OF PROCRASTINATING.

FUCK- SO USELESS. i will do it. i swear i will have my driver's licence by 2006. Ha! Ha! whateverr lah.

oh, i AM SO MAJORLY PISSED WITH THE damned fuckanathan ROUTER AT HOME! i can strangle it to death only it's not a living thing and i could potentially be an electrocuted victim. no- i don't wish to die not having taken my licence yet.

blah. i wanted to say that i actually have zero internet access back home. unless danny intends to get it fixed.

oh what the fuck- what a long entry.

i still have one more thing to say. mmms. oh amery called me last night. weird... i heard he is leaving to stay in Johor so as to avoid National Slavery. wells, i abhor people running away like that. it's so morally wrong. i mean- don't be such a bloody gu-niang can!

what's wrong with NS, two years and you're off the hook. rather than never return to homeland?? (well, that's basically a sound piece of advice i feel is adequately suited for the ones who intend to zhao lor.)

mmms, self-realization is an important step to growing up. i shall be nice and start quickly on my work. since i've been here (on the net) for the longest time. no one cares about me anyway, which brings me to another issue.

for someone i care about a lot>>
i'm sorry you feel that way about me. i did no wrong and i can't comprehend how you would bear a grudge/or any in that matter against me.

i feel you don't really like me somehow. it's that it's my point of view, even she feels that way. it means someone in this friendship i treasure SO FUCKEN MUCH has created a loophole. and the worst thing is- i don't see it. i didn't see it coming either. i thought all was fine.

i've been trying so hard to reconnect into your world. but it seems so futile what my means have become of. i dunno why. if you could answer me truthfully enough to tell me in the face. i will never ever say anything to you ever again- i won't even try.

i'm honestly hurt, i swear to god i can cry now. because i've really tried so hard and given too much into this very very special relationship we share. it's an affinity, but seems to me, you don't see it the way i do.

somehow my existence is being robbed. i just feel so torn apart. WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME. screw it.

REPLIES:

marr>>
yes. thailand pls. i need to unwind so much. suddenly another load got laden onto my back everything is just crumbling into meniscine pieces. mmms, i wanna do backpacking but i dunno who to do with boo... yes dinner soon definitely.

jo>>
sorry you're so busy! my my, filming can be so hectic! i can't imagine when you guys start working when will u ever have the time to breathe!!? anyws, as much as i've said i've given up and all the bull. i secretly dream of us holding hands lah. well, dinner on friday. we'll continue our tete-a-tete maybe hang out for a mug or two okay?

fadhi>>
hello sexy mama. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU. wei, how come we never meet up one! yah lah. ninety-one year old. (: why not make me sixty-nine?

crys>>
hey!! really spunky new layout. love the beachy feel. NO PUNS INTENDED. have funnn! join your sis and i for some prata some day won't you?

joll>>
yes. -SOBS. meeting you later. -SOBS. crying over spilt milk ain't i? some facts can't be changed. but we can try to override it and make it a better one. we'll work hard at it alright. i'm sure things will see better light if all of us hold on together.

junlynn>>
yes i shall murder you. haha. how can i bear to lah. u ah.. everytime tell me you're oh-so-busy then refuse to ask me out. -humphs. dun fWen you! MACHIAM I EVERY BIRTHDAY THEN MEET AH. oi, frequency increase tam po leh.

FACE IT, youre ugly dey

2005-01-02T17:50:00.000+08:00

mmms. new year was alright. and a year was over. nothing too much done to speak of. wasn't a great year for me. although i keep mentioning i'm happy in certain entries. sometimes i sound so happy i don't think i'm actually really all that happy

perhaps i would like to have like a chocolate buffet in maxbrenners. uh-huh. don't feel like doing anything about everything. i haven't clubbed in like the longest time ever. but i don't feel like fuck, well- abstinence (from alcohol) is a virtue. i mean, save from new year's night.

i didn't see anyone in this new year's countdown, unlike last. maybe i should severe my ties with the two brothers forever. i don't know. i've messed us up. maybe we should revert back to being strangers yeah? lead our own separate lives.

i had this horrible dream last night. it was really quite bad. i was so petrified i couldn't think straight nor go back to sleep. i'm meant to be beaten by them ugh..

RESOLUTIONS:
mmms
- get tanner by mid year. i'm back at square one, white as hell.
- stop drinking at all. my intake endurance is quite weakened as of now.
- be less obese.
- save so much money i can buy a palace.
- stop coming online for obvious reasons.
- not be so cynical and critical on others.
- stop thinking everyone looks up to me.
- i should be very demure in 2005. i won't speak goudily and walk as if i own the roads and be really nice to service related people. they deserve better from me, considering i belong in the same sector as they.
- i shall be a workaholic.
- get my mind off bad things.
- be nice.

i shall be a sad person with absolutely no life. wear checkered shirts and rimmed spectacles as thick as sam's bush. i sounded pretty sick there. mmms.

i can't figure out what's been bugging me. i think i need a shrink for safety precautions. as in i have this fear i might go a little insane. living in a miserable world of my own. away from the things i call people.

WHY AM I SOUNDING SO MORBID PLS.

okay, i'm just not feeling the new year thing. i should have been born in june or july or somewhere else. you know. it's weird feeling unhappy now. i'm just a grumpy old lady.

mmms. danielkoh has left singapore for his home. i'm feeling really mixed up now. it's like a botched nose job. you like it 'cause it's new but then u sort of miss the old one 'cause it was so You.

see, i'm always doing things too late. missing things only when their gone. but that's the way life is- really fucked up, plays you around like a toy then smacks you aside as if you have AIDS or some similar fuck.

(DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT HAVE AIDS AND NEITHER DID I ATTEND FOR THE NOSE JOB.)

REPLIES:

janice>>
(: wish you all the best this new year too alright?

ayu>>
haha. yes that's the way it is. my list of cars is a little crazy. but did u see the last one? i'm just awfully down to earth if i have my own car a corrolla will do. haha. don't worry i'll share it with you and that's after when i finally have my driver's licence in my grasp. U SLOWLY WAIT.

kim>>
YOU SILLY MONGER. don't know who's forgotten who lah. haha. u seem pretty tied up call me when you have the time alright, love?

mar>>
thanks sweet. haven't heard from u in quite a while mmms. we need to meet up real soon! (:

laugh till your pants fall off

2004-12-30T21:10:00.000+08:00

me: MY DOG'S DAMN FUNNY YOU KNOW.
kim: ... what he tells you jokes is it?
me: yepp. (assuming no one heard that monologue.)

whole group of people roaring in laughter. i was dead embarrassed. like Daffy (duck) against Bugs (bunny) kind. everyone really laughed at me. and i was like okay, laugh go on.

HA! HA! okay i was damn stupid to use such vocab lah.

anyws, if anyone is feeling ultra fucken rich. pick any of the list from the cars to give to me. i'm sure i'd be more than reluctant to pay for a driver then. (since i don't already have my licence and not intending to do so given my bummer status.)

- BMW 6 SERIES
- ~~LAND ROVER~~ (strike it off since i already own that, NOT. not typical for sgp's city streets.)
- PORSCHE CAYENNE
- LEXUS SC 430 (i just live in my faerie tale for a while longer okay?)
- i can attract all the ah beng's in the world with this, EVOLUTION 8. mahaha

that was obviously not too practical. here's another less scary list.

- VOLKSWAGON BORA
- ~~BMW 5 SERIES~~ (machiam i own the entire oil industry)
- okay, '02 BMW 3 SERIES.
- LEXUS IS 200
- E-CLASS. any color but not white. (the cabs in sgp are kind of off-ish)

right. i might as well buy a shiny new glass piano with that moolah. okay, last CARS THAT COULD SUFFICE.

- '03 TOYOTA COROLLA, nothing NOT too uncommon.
- NISSAN X-TRAIL

couldn't think of anything else, just anything in this world other than the GETZ. pls. again, i think i'm some rich kid. haha, i think i really need a car. no point leh. i don't even have my licence. like how dumb?

lalalalalala. like i am how bored can.

mmms, me gonna visit my sammie tomms. togets with the joll and the pj. (: i love the Queens. Pray for sam's well-being okay?

REPLY:

danks>>
imma miss you soooooo much.

specially yours

2004-12-29T23:19:00.000+08:00

mmms. the tsunami disaster is horrid. and it's claimed too many lives already, i watched the news as they played channel after channel. CNN, CNBC, BBC, NewsAsia their just scaring me even more. as like they did when the terrorist attacks came about and the SARS epidemic.

sometimes, having no media at all can be good.

it's pretty scary how just less than a minute a tidal wave and an earthquake just eats parts of us. and the fact that you could have been one of those sunbathers, or prolly just trailing the tracks of those islands.

-blooey. it's making me sad all over again. i cried like crazy as i saw those bodies afloat on the surface of the coastal shores. i mean, it could have been me.

some bodies so badly decomposed even family can't recognise them. it's really just a horrible way to end the year and commemorate boxing day 2004.

i'm just so sad.

i'm down with influenza, so is joll. met her up for a drink in the noon time, just so nice to hang out with someone you know who loves you the way you do. best friends all the way.

sam is being hospitalised. makes me all the more sad. when she told me i felt like crying all over again. i can't be of any help to anyone being sick. how useless can i get? imma drop by and give her a big fat hug when i see her tomms.

i'm just wishing everyone will get well now. and transfer all the sicknesses to me. if you're happy; i'm happy. it's not being altruistic and whatever. but i really like everyone around me to be in glee. i mean since i'm already not feeling too good about everything- why shouldn't i be the one suffering?

REPLIES:

marr>>
yupp, i truly wish everyone welcomes 2005 in mirth. obviously it will, just taking a little longer that's all. while we go through this very joyous moment; let's pray for health to everyone in the world. even those mean and evil green creatures we hate. YUPP!

vicks>>
yes. old like grandfather clock. old like gold. old like mmms, my dear friends who are turning 19 too! heh. it's a tragic start but, hell. it will get better! pray for everyone around you yeah?

joll>>
me too. totally lost the mood for the cruise already. after tsunami. and sam's sick. i'd rather we spend days together if we had to stay on the ship being afraid and all. i love you so much! get well soon pls! STOP EATING CHOCOLATES. it'll just make your throat worse. YES FOCKERS PLS.

jo>>
arhahaha.. thanks lady. i know we've said this more than 10 times. but we have to do something about the SIXPEE gathering haha (: oh, lemme dig for the list. it should be somewhere...

danks>>
HELLO SWEET! how come you have the time to drop this nice little message for me? aren't you oh-so-busy? haha. alrights, i sincerely wish you wouldn't go. 'cause you've been a person i've become so dependant on. but during your short stay of the one month you've been here, you really just showed me what platonic friendships can be. and i appreciate that so much. i don't know if you'll read this before you go, but you must take care of yourself alright!?

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS RAIN ON ME

2004-12-28T13:33:00.000+08:00

january is good.

well, in january i have 3 lumps of money to be credited. waaa hoo!

and well, january is when i officially finish my working stint at Manulife Financial in River Valley (hopefully).

january is when my cruise with the Queens is gonna be held.

january is also when my birthday is gonna be.

in january, 2005 i will be 19 also my last teenage year- according to mom.

Also, in january, a whole new year of betterness will begin (PLEASE?)

IN JANUARY, i shall sort out priorities. i will have a resolution drawn up as like every other year and assume everything can be fulfilled by 2006.

i'm beginning to digress- shall go now

memories we've shared

2004-12-27T10:52:00.000+08:00

me: what's with the world nowadays?
koh: what?
me: don't you think it's a tad sadistic how god is being mean?
koh: is he?
me: -_-" please stop replying me like this.
koh: i will -smiles.
me: ...
koh: are you gonna be happy?
me: ...
koh: okay, fine. i understand if that's the tone you want to take with me.
me: !!! -angry face.
koh: yes firstly, i agree that god is sadistic killing those people (channel newsasia playing on tv.)
me: that's good. and?
koh: i'm flying back HK after new year's. and i'm afraid of dying in air.

(you're gonna be missed. that's all i have to say) why did you have to break the news like that to me? god is mean.

mom: wow! i love that dog so much. see the colors, like a lassie. how nice!
me: what dog is that?!? i've seen it on tv and heard all about it. what is it's name.
danny: CORGIE.
mom: (-strains her ears to it) what?
danny: corgie. yepp.
mom: WHAT ORGY?
me: rolls around in the back of the car laughing my ass off.

i have one very very liberal mother and 2 dumb brothers.

me: i hate eating sharks' fin. they are damn poorthing lah.
joll: what's so poorthing? i love sharks' fins.
me: but you know their gonna be extinct if we continue this behaviour of eating their paddles. and i reckon you know that the fins of them sharks are chopped off and the shark itself is being thrown back into the sea. to die.
joll: no they don't die. they continue swimming mah.
me: ... (in case she might be right, but i read so many articles on killing sharks by slicing off what they swim with.) don't be crazy, they rot to death and get eaten alive by other creatures in the sea dey.

i have a super duper smart best friend. and in case you didn't know, she's really an eyeful too.

never been to you

2004-12-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

i've been to georgia and california and anywhere i could run.

what an apt tune. suits me perfectly. the fact that i runaway and hide is pretty self-explanatory. and then there's the part where i get found and have to handle the problems again. that's the really screwed part.

koh came to pick me up 'cause his workers are all doing the annual year end accountings and everything. but since it's a sunday and boxing day, he could spare me some time. so nice. we walked around the esplanade since he hasn't been there. and wanted to eat in the V tea room which's this cafe newly opened. nice ambience. but decided against it since i was afraid of seeing June, the manager. anyws, we dined at max brenner's. headed to town after that for some coffee.

i slept for a while in the car 'cause the traffic was staggeringly slow. walked around since i was broke but didn't wanna tell him that since i was always broke. and he being the HEE-HAW HEE-HAW wanted to shop in AX and i went like. okay lor, you go. i go meet my mom first.

haha my scheme worked and he sent me to queensway. har har. (THIS PART IS INVISIBLE TO DANIEL KOH'S EYES.)

oh wells. today was great (: had fun with koh and later on met up with my mom and the brothers for shopping in queensway. Danny bought grey air force ones and Nicks got himself a Jack Wolfskin bag (: when my brothers are happy; i'm happy. even when mom kept urging me to get something i didn't want anything.

saw this pair of knitted dirty green dunk lows that look damned good. and my mom and danny think its nice too, but i'm broke and i don't like spending mommy's money Neither would i accept The Piss's money.

I Hate The Piss, he's an obnoxious fella who thinks just 'cause he gets paid a lot for doing nothing he can be the lord or sth. well, Piss, piss off. i wish he reads my blog and know that i hate him so much. BUT NO, he only utilizes the internet to open his electronic mails. god knows who sends him any.

anyws, i'm getting the shoe after new year. or sooner when i get allowance from daddy. it's really nice to have a father who loves you. i hope to see him really soon. i miss my daddy so much, wish i could tell him everything; all my problems and wish he could offer me a solution.

but too bad for me i have divorced parents and a kanina stuck-up Piss to please. he keeps thinking we're useless and we always take money from mom and blah blah blah. please lah, don't think just 'cause your sons go states means damn good leh. Look yourself in the mirror and kanina see yourself as the ugliest father in the world can, even your sons wanna run away.

UGHHH I HATE THE PISS. i could kill him.

my god so many paragraphs for him? that's gone to waste. alright. ooh, today i was blown off by some certain somebody who said he felt damn lagged. so today he cancelled the meeting we had that we confirmed last night. ah, put me on tentative. I'LL SHOW YOU!

man, i have work tomms and i feel like the sickest person alive. i have a feeling i have tonsilitis acting up, which means more sore throat for me. bleah super disgusting. i hate being sick. i wish i was Mister Incredible, sorry got reminded of the person i watched it with. guess, it's all over now.

oh yes, go to joanna's blog for photos on the 23rd. i didn't arm myself my camera but they did (: she did a great compilation of the photos, captured the atmosphere perfectly. head to marilyn's for even more eyecandy! come to think of it, i think i should rip them since they did such a great job. -sniggers.

REPLIES: (fuck! haloscan was down for a minute, next time if it happens just sign in my guestbook.)

vicky>>
i can definitely loan you my dvds (: super. but i think you should watch it at home behind closed doors 'cause it's not censored at all haha. yes i missed it on channel 5 too!

tom>>
yes i like it big. satisfied? hahaha. sheesh. stupid stupid. SELL YOUR OWN FISH IN THE WET MARKET PLS.

marilyn>>
wells, the chances of you getting anywhere near fat is rather slim. so u can forget about getting fat. he said he might fly down. so it's not confirmed but he got me to call that stupid dutchman to arrange accomodation for me. he is some guy working for my father, can get a bit chatty. haha. cherlyn ah... call her to ask lo...

words are all i have

2004-12-25T13:09:00.000+08:00

i remembered saying i wanted to spend christmas alone. and i was spending christmas alone.

well, during that very precise moment i also called koh. who was, not busy at work. at home (stupid fucken nice service apartment) watching replays of some broadway show. and i was like what the fuck? but, i suggested him to come over my place. so he drove down, i'm sure he knows his way around sgp pretty fine right now since the CTE is so accessible.

i found nip/tuck dvds strewn all over my entire dining table. and conveniently left them in my room so no one else would first steal it and leave it un-intact with either 1 disc missing or a couple of them scratched to death.

it's the entire of season one. and it was super. just really adult material.

koh was actually willing to watch nip/tuck with me! (: we snuggled on my pathetic super single bed. you know sometimes having a best friend can be so endearing when you need them. (read: not that my other best friends aren't nice enough to drop by... and i also know they have family obligations. not an accusation.)

in between the series- i went to paint my nails. haha. and he got mad, 'cause he said that since your nails are already so yellow, why do you still wanna ruin them anymore? me: but it's christmassss.. and i got myself a christmas kiss!!! ((: (listen- it's a peck on the cheek- you freak!)

then i went down to cook pasta, and he acted rocky started trailing my tracks. it's damn hilarious. and he did that pissing action at the fridge and i was like -_-' (sorry about the face i believed that was the most adequate thing i should've done.)

halfway when i was cooking pasta, i got irritated and i dumped the damn thing into the bin. HAR HAR. the fucken thing expired already. so we went outside to eat at athira. he being the pro-anti-save-the-envoironment person, wanted to drive. but i mean, it's barely 5 minutes walk!

i saved this man's ass from getting whooped by god when he goes to heaven (i'm sure he will ascend to up there.) oh, hoho that was err 3am. there were quite a number of people. and they were staring down at my 'Viagra is For Pussies' shirt, puns intended by the way.

i realise how much not being together means. other than that, we're best friends. but poor him had to rush back. -sighs. he's been the only person i know who practises filial piety at that age (i'm not saying you're old- you're just matured.)

he gave me something really un-useful for christmas.

i just realised how stupid i am. i didn't buy anyone any christmas present this year. since christmas doesn't quite fit the bill of christmas. my birthday is 15 days away. somehow i don't feel like doing anything about it.

REPLIES:

tom>>
hello again. har har. next time you really thwart your way from jalan kayu okay? we can play mj(I MEANT MAHJONG) with your friends.

marr>>
woooopeeee. i miss my daddy. i haven't seen him in so long. ((: mmms who else gonna be going? weeee go there and get fat. dad's always stuffing me with foods.

danks>>
thank you so much for making christmas such a wonder filled day. i appreciate every single stupid thing we've done togets. eating with my mom, bringing my dog for walks. telling you my problems and you getting drunk and crying. haha, i know i've said this too many times. but you're really the best thing that came into my life.

heartbreaker>>
anyws, i don't like the heartbreaker at all. listen- i did contemplate on falling in love with you not that i could control it, but you led me to the ditch. and whatever it is, that i shared with you. i promised all my friends i wouldn't mention you again. i won't hate you for avoiding me, neither would i even care if you appeared on my wedding night. i wished you a merry christmas and i regret meeting you and knowing you all over again. i mean what's the point? you never even treated me like your sister. u treat me like those girls. i'm not them, i've been brought up here in sgp. stop being so cynical about others, stop thinking you're mister almighty. i hate appeasing. dun appease me. bye, GOR.

-your ever dearest fair skinned mei.

like how mellow can?

merry christmas
to all- have
a rockin' good
2005 and may
all your dreams
come true.

sun's shining on your bottoms already

2004-12-24T13:57:00.000+08:00

i bet you've read this in every other person's blog. christmas 2004 doesn't feel like christmas one bit. maybe it's me. age is catching up and i am beginning to lead my life in my worst imagination.

i'm actually liking moments, alone. i'm beginning to hate loud, crowded places. yes, booze and loud music makes me wanna boogey. but not the way it used to. maybe i'm getting so weary of everything in life although the best time of my life is supposed to be right now.

everyone's asking me. fiona why? why don't want to go? why so anti-social? why this and why that. and i can't answer all these. i can't tell what's wrong.

but the only thing i know is that i love my friends, my Queens and a little bit apprehensive on my timffs.

Queens had a great talk last night. we even cried. i'm SO LOOKING FORWARD TO CRUISE (i've been repeating this the whole entire day). tell me i'm not being a moron 'cause i really think we need soooo much quality time togets. even if we get bored; it won't matter 'cause i have 3 besties to hug. i love you all. a little pre-warning to sammie- you're gonna be awe-stricken i promise you.

we meant what we said
and we keep to what we said.
and no matter how tough the going gets.
i'll be holding onto your hands no matter what.
-fepp

gonna be constructing a brand new layout. not for christmas or anything just some other narcissistic work of mine. and i haven't had an idea not even a brief one even! yupp! just keep watching this space.

yesterday
late for work again. reached at 1.30 and headed straight for lunch with niza. such a slacker. (pay is gonna be in next friday. god, one more week of pok-kai-ness)

the man charged me 2 bucks for my rice! so damn cheap can. niza thinks he has this crush on me and i'm like... okay i ordered ice milk tea. i just absolutely love that drink esp the one at gardens cornerstore, okay i'm digressing back to my food pls.

bought the damned vegetable juice again (i've been buying that everyday since i started work). it's good for someone with low green intake. at least i think so.

so i left early- feigning sickness. but i was really having indigestion alright! after i rejected the food from lunch i felt so much better. like if i hadn't vomitted it all out, i would have to die from migraine or sth. and it really kills. i hate my weak body sometimes.

met my jolynn chew and tan pinjing!!! then we stood dumbly at wisma (by the lame aquarium which i don't even understand why the fascination for it has reached such a fantatic level whereby everyone must stand around it all the time- be it to take photos and whatever) where i thought my phone conked out on me 'cause the fucken reception died on me.

and i swear i could have died. i'm crippled without my phone alright.

but never mind we headed to cine's cartel. so we were there and the crowd took up most of the nicer seats. it's kindda weird 'cause we always seat around cartel in gardens and in cine the whole concept is an entirely different one. it just doesn't feel the same.

after freeloading the bread and water, the cheapo and damn alot dish came piping hot served up to our table. POTATO WEDGES! of course extra curry sauce.

samantha han sulin was late as ever. SO LATE. so damned fucken late. but how can i get angry at that face? 4 Queens reunited!!!

joanna and marilyn joined us soon after. (: haven't seen joanna in EONS. and i meant it as in realllllllllllllllly long. like what? give or take 5 years? waaaa people pretty leh. jo and i and joll (HAHA SO FUNNY. okay never mind i'm laughing at my own joke.) spoke a whole lot, reminiscing and everything. i love talking about such stuff. just makes me tingle in delight.

anyws, i was kindda remorseful 'cause i didn't kanina bring my camera. man, i'm so pissed. at myself for not bringing my camera. lest we got more Queens photos to upload and store and you know the everything's.

then we headed over to spinelli to meet karen supposedly to pass her something. but it ended up with her crashing our table. so okay.. but it was nice.

I HEREBY APOLOGISE IF I LEFT ANYONE OUT. i wish i hadn't left anyone out. i'm sorry miss pin jing-a-bells.

we all had to go off pretty soon. 'cause of responsibilties the next day. actually i had work today, fucken shit. hahah but i didn't go again. so sad right. i bet if my employer knew i was such a freak she wouldn't have hired me.

so pj and joll and i headed back via public transport. since everyone was dead broke. we headed to chompchomp! ((: had a great heart-to-heart talk. if only one more samantha han was there. i'm willing to sacrifice my last bus and chatting with all of you.

whereas sam, karen, brandon, mar headed back togets and left joanna alone 'cause she didn't stay in the east side hahaha.

okay never mind joanna the next time we meet up just gonna be us (P6P) alright?!?! MEET UP SOON.

REPLIES:

ayu>>
i shall just reply you again lalalalala. and are you insane? how fat can you be... u must be crazy. fat is me.

marilyn>>
mahahhahaha. BKK HERE I COME. my dad said he's flying down and booking the hotel and of course meeting his darling daughter. yepp! wooo hoooo.

my schizzle

2004-12-23T14:06:00.000+08:00

i've been waking up early for work! but, i go back to my sofa bed and snooze for 5 minute intervals. and by the time i know it, it's 9. and yes, that's the time i'm supposed to have reached the office.

how splendidly good of me to take time management into consideration.

alright. where was i, at the very least i'm making most effort to use public transport. and i'm beginning to make some progress.

first, i hitch a bus from outside my house, that's 147. and reach the serangoon train station in less than 10 minutes, where i hop onto the express NEL line and zoom to outram park station where i again, make my way (this is a rather long walk) to the other train line that intercepts the train towards tiong bahru station.

that's when i finally wait for my shuttle bus and reach the office in another say 5 minutes. that excludes waiting for the bus which could sometimes take up to 10 minutes according to niza.

why according to her? i haven't had the chance to finish the entire route before. i'll usually just make it to tiong bahru at 9.20 and cab from there to work.

complicating? yes.

well, it explains why i'm so damned pok kai. i think i should squeeze some money from fats. should be able to get a couple of cents. that will go a LONG way, i reckon.

work is fuck boring. and i should thank my colleagues who drop by to give encouragement (why the fuck do i sound like some injured blast victim?) to my continual assistance. okay balls to work and the funny old men i've met. they indeed are the shittiest adults i've known. they treat my 18 year old status quo to be non-existent.

the fact that they go, wooo wweee ahhhs on raunchy sex details. and i'm like. ... ...

and when i just try to disable this hearing function of mine by shooing them away, they say i'm being dirty-minded. please, why did i get myself into this situation anyway?

never mind them they should all fuck walls and die. anyws, mmms. i'm meeting my Queens plus Joanna and Marilyn-san. passing everyone their due cards. oh yah, i just posted the only 2 cards to Daniel Tai and Ow WeiQuan ('Cause one i haven't seen in damn long and the other one fucken trying to avoid me now).

mmmms, the rest of the peeps, i handed them by myself. so nice right. that's inclusive of joll, pj, danks, noell and dal. Yupp! and the ones i'm about to give are to Joanna, Marilyn, Sammie, Derek(he's in sgp!! the cute nz guy), Suyen, Jasper(shocked?) and the rest which are in my bag. i seriously know i'm never gonna be able to meet everyone and end up posting my mail after christmas.

i wanted to hand one to Crystal L but, it seems she's not too interested so i guess. it's gonna be an ungiven but filled card at home.

i was reading through my archive and realised how much i'm always talking about myself. shouldn't be doing so. will try to change.

REPLIES:

ayu>>
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, how can you love a lump of fats? okay say i lose 10 more kilos then you'll love me more right hahah. but i don't follow my diet one, always squirming my way out of it. like when i had my chocolate binge. it was totally crazy i ate chocolates like nonstop till my mouth was all sticky and gooey. ewww, yes that scary.

ichigo>>
we chatted on the phone last night! yepp! we should be able to go to bkk togets if all goes well. and nothing clashes and assuming my mom feels that melbourne is still not a home away from home for me.

danks>>
crazypants. i just had dinner with you can. boo. i'm velli singrish one. you're abhoring me so much i can sense it from Here. feel like swimming maybe can head to your homey home home tomms! christmas eve! (: missed you too

cherlyn>>
what about my descriptions? haha it's a cyber world baby. i missed you so much. and i missed being horny around you when we talk about men and our secret fantasies. -smirks. i realised i have young people reading my blog but whateverr. fuck it. meet up soon? hopefully before 2005. i love you bunny

tom>>
is this tomi w? or Big Tom, tom? mmmms. i think it's the latter. if it's tomi w- how have you been? i'll always remember when you said china banned american sites like blogger. made me pretty frustrated anyws, call me before you leave indo okay? Big Tom- hello mister. i missed your long convos. and of course the owner too! call me when you finally realise you're free and u and your friends've decided not to head to Jln Kayu but meet me instead haha.

contradict me c'mon

2004-12-21T22:29:00.000+08:00

mmmmms. i got a top from mango that says large. and although every single person around me are either the tiniest people in sgp or their smaller than me, it means i'm huge. but again, i'm not yet obese, just awfully fat. nearing obesity.

anyws, my point being. i just tried the top on. it's shocking pink and has 2 dangly flowers by the sides and it has white lines all over. again, not my point. my point is, the top is too fucken big. i just realised, and my bloody fuckanathan boobs are exposed. fuck what should i do.

maybe. i could get a tube inside. but IT DEFEATS THE FRICK-IN' (think white chicks) purpose. okay never mind. the first whole 3 paragraphs are just incessant shit.

had dinner at raffles city. of all the places, i had to dine with mom in this small little outlet of japanese cuisine. it's pretty modest. but the food was good, and the wasabi- HOT. wooo. love hot wasabi that just makes you tear and suffer this adrenaline rush at your nasal region. just as about you're gonna suggest that eating wasabi kills, the thrill is gone.

and u just want it all over again.

raffles city is a mighty fine place. i wish i could stay inside, as in reside within it's premises. while everyone is being chased away into either their vehicles parked in the carpark or prancing off with their last minute christmas shopping- i could leisurely take my pick from the ENTIRE raffles city.

that's if money came for free without strings attached. maybe with a seal that says GARANTEED SATISFACTION.

i'm supposed to be losing a whole chunk of weight, preferably half so i could be on america's next top model and win because i'm the only asian contestant. never mind, i can take it. i'll be fat for one more day- then i'll shed it all tomms.

oh, in regard to the paragraph before- actually my intent was to confess my sinful obsession for chocolates and ice cream. it's absolute indulgence during this festive season. god, please spare me the weight gain. i promise you i'll not eat anymore IF YOU ALLOW ME NOT TO GAIN ANY(MORE) WEIGHT.

i've been eating and eating these nice little shapes of brownish solids which i should persuade myself are lumps of fats (looking way good).

I NEED TO JIAN FEI. never mind. i shall continue being fat till the end, enjoyment is divine. and 2005 is well, i shall think about it as it comes.

REPLIES:

marr>>
aaaaaahhhhhh. yes meet up pls. but, I'M SUPER broke. and broken. and brokened. and still brokening. i meet you after new year lah pls. with joanna also. PLEASE- SHOPPING A BIT. my hands are so itchy, although i bought a top today. but still- CANNOT TAHAN. musst ressssissst tteeeemptttaaationnnn...

my daddy went to chinaaaa.... so now. mmmms. i'm not sure if we can stay in his apartment 'cause i don't have the keys and everything. but, you guys are going on a school thing right. then how can i go?

ayu>>
yes dearr. i do have your number. it's the newer numbers i've totally lost. but never mind if they think of me. they'll call me. lest, those friends are better off gone.

fake people fake friends.

2004-12-20T14:44:00.000+08:00

i can't stand stinkers like them. i was friendster surfing. and i spotted these bunch of poseurs can. fwaah totally cannot make it lah. i browse through the lousily scripted profile and i feel like crap.

how come humans like them can exist? i wonder.

alright. anyws i'm bored balls in the office again. and i've been blogging so much that i feel as if there's nothing much in my life left to report anymore. besides, nobody is leaving me comments. so with that, i'm speaking solely to myself again.

i'm fine with that. as long as there are humans to talk to in reality.

beah!

jolynn chew is away. kim is away. iona is away. mmmms. i dunno a lot of people are away. oh sabb too. she's in korea. mmmms. i don't know. i'm losing track of everyone i know.

suyen is back. mmmms. i dunno lots are back to but i haven't checked. i suggest giving myself a big warm slap. as a perk. how sadistic.

in the name of fun and all- i called the heartbreaker, but i realised. oh i lost his number. haha. i lost everyone's numbers. but i managed to get a few back since i have my trusty phonebook in my room. don't ask me why. my phone was lost for a day and i found it in my room.

but i dropped it on the day itself and i sent it for repairs. so, which most definitely answers your queries.

i feel like i'm such a blockhead speaking busloads of bollocks. shall go now.

anger management.

2004-12-19T23:01:00.000+08:00

i signed up at wholivesnearyou.com mmmms. i think it's pretty nifty. and apparently, 'cause of my postal code, i live in sengkang. suddenly i'm neighbours with so many of the people that i already know who actually reside there.

anyws. i'm feeling way down suddenly. i must be getting old and suffering from some yet proven disease that eats your brains slowly and with lots of gratitude because they return the favour by replacing fats into your already quite bulky body.

i've been bingeing on chocolates at an alarming rate. it sort of freaks me.

i'm suffering due to my impenatratable stubborn behaviour. no one seem to be able to understand me. or maybe i can't grasp what they are saying when they are saying it. get what i mean? no? yes i'm slurring in speech.

genuinely believe i would die in my sleep when i'm old. and the cause of death would be inconsistency in sugar content. some days i have no sugar at all, and there are those where i go sugar crazy and end up having indigestion.

for me- every damned thing leads to indigestion. i'm quite pitiable really.

like, fragrances. especially strong floral scents, but any smell over 3 hours and i'm totally down. i cannot take the scent. like, too much food. it makes me sick, so i end up vomitting 'cause they will (yes i'm positive on this) get stuck in my throat, thus, i can't breathe easy. which again, causes indigestion for me.

and if i'm grumpy (this is some self caused thing); i will get indigestion too.

i think it's quite cool how terribly sick i can get. and sometimes i don't; thats when i'm in the pink of health and eat like crazy.

i'm screwed.

daniel was so nice to call me during lunch. i think i'm beginning to see some light in this.

with or without you

2004-12-19T01:11:00.000+08:00

i've made a complete blunder. i spoilt it. i had it all and i whole handedly ruined it, how perfect!

got a call from Dad. and that was during the movie the 3 queens (joll, pj and i) caught. Ocean's Twelve. i didn't really watch much since i wasn't in much of a mood to. neither did the circumstances allow me to.

First was the call. not that Dad was being annoying but, the fact that i was at the wrong place at the wrong time was the pits.

Second was the bloody kanina aircon blowing spasms of icy chilly winds onto us. which resulted in my complacent bladder giving courteous way to the weak immunity of my body to the cool temperature it was undergoing.

Third was this couple aseat-ed (made this word up) next to us. they were pretty obese, so i didn't really want to cause them any discomfort, distress signals, irritating impressions that might result in them hating me or worst, thinking i'm a devil with horns stuck with super glue onto my head.

so by the time i went back to my seat, i felt rather bad. 'cause i kept pacing up and down back and forth round and round the whole entire theatre. but the last time i sat by the stairs 'cause i didn't wanna say excuse me again. since i already felt so bad so many times.

it really isn't difficult to spot a little fat girl donning a cap and big ass coral earrings. yes, all that in the dark. i'm being very very self-conscious. i apologise.

and my stupid embarrassing underwear kept wedgy-ing. and it's fucken irritating. i swear i will just pluck the bloody strings off the Elle boyshorts and make it nowear.

anyws i miss my bestie. she's flying again tomms. ):

today also. i chatted with koh over the phone. he was being very childish. i sometimes wonder if i'm the older one over here. he made me late for the Queens meeting. and i just want to tell him that: even if the world crumbles and falls, i would stay rigidly by your side. face your darkest fears.

i ended up crying 'cause of all the shit i've done. i regret them. come march your birthday would be the hot topic. i would very much love to spend this special day with you 'cause you've been there for me. just hope you'll be here to let me spend this day with you.

all the grievous hurt and disposition landed me in this dillemma. i believe only my will can get me outta it.

when i got lost in the rain

2004-12-17T13:34:00.000+08:00

the sun looks treacherous. just the kind i like. standing from my office, i peer across the fraser apartment suites. i'm feeling jealous - of all the people basking underneath the superb sky.

These words have been loitering on my mind. The wonderful times I've spent with you transcends through unspoken boundaries. Ones i wished were not as emotionless as time; ones i wish couldn't control my regard for what I hold to You.

Handphones can transmit various thoughts i can capture. But only through reality do i surpass inexplicable expressions. I missed You sweet. So much. You just don't already know.

You are my candy. And concurrently the person I'd love to cry whom's arms unto.

fly me to the ends of the world

2004-12-16T13:32:00.000+08:00

people,
they come together.

people,
they fall apart.

yesterday
was out with junlynn after a whole day's of borish work. unyoke right? like half working and half not working? HAHAHA, fucken hilarious dey. okay, it's a crazy unworthy-of-knowing joke of ours.

mmmms. saw my godmother after 69 years of not. she hasn't changed, still as gentle as ever. and really filthy rich as always. and she's grown awfully skinny. but, okay why am i bitching about my own godmom? anyws she just arrived from england. but i'm meeting her tonight.

i missed her so much, i meant i missed both ladies so much.

supposed to dine with godmom but thought about it and preferred to have a nice tete-a-tete with junlynn. i was talking nonstop and everyone was looking at me as if i had not talked in half a year. but nevermind all that. i talk so much i realise when i grow older i want to have a job that requires me to talk nonstop.

but by the time i'm 30, i would have wrinkles around the circumference of my mouth the length of the Nile. and ewwww. but i would have the absolute moolah for botox right? so what the fuck. who cares?

we were chatting over my latte and her mango thingy. at mmms bistro pac plaza. what a nice place. she tempted me to smoke a stick.

i seriously think everyone was relieved for that brief moment i decided to get the bill. i was talking nonstop. imagine motormouth meets motorbike meets the fockers.

pardon me. i'm dying for movies.

today
i'm home and i skipped work 'cause i didn't feel like going. it gets uber boring. yes. looking forward to dinner. missing my bestie a ton. she's back from aussie. woooopi. i love that jolynn chew peiyi whose currently shakin' that thang of hers. i bet she's asleep now

i can fly higher than an eagle. 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

2004-12-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

what a lovely tune. if i join sgp idol i'll definitely sing that. haha.

alright. let's see today was a boring day. boss wasn't around 'cause it was meetings meetings all the way. so i basically slept on the workstation again.

but my colleagues were bloody pesky. kept waking me up. so i ended up buying chocolates to perk myself up. did i mention how much i love mini m&ms? now they have white chocs in mini, and i have both empty articles in my handbag.

'cause i finished them on the way back. lalala.

i've decided to swim at the underground pool under my office tomms. -beams. it sounds pretty nifty to me. but i'm still fat leh.. how ah.

i had so much food today! adam road's awfully famous nasi lemak and this fish soup thingy that's also super famous in zion road. my tummy is filled to the brim with awards!!! ((:

i've decided to ditch my current job. only i have come up with this decision for the last minute or so. 'cause it's really damn boring. but the money is really damn good. choices darling.

I FUCKEN ALMOST FORGOT. yes. my hotmail account was hacked into. actually, i left the password on and left the public computer without signing out. my friendster also. and my blogger also. ughhh... fucken careless.

but i've since changed the password. the only saddest thing about the whole thing was that all my nice emails were cleared by the fucker who continued using my account. defaming me on my msn, haha. the person changed my nick to I'M A BITCH AND I WANNA FUCK blah blah blah. and left a number there.

these people honestly have nothing else better to do lah. MY NICE EMAILS!!! the ones from You...

REPLY:

vicks>>
YES, EVERYTHING HAS BREASTS. (:

jo>>
meeting you soon please! i can imagine us chatting nonstop and exchanging those experiences! yepp i can. you take care alright! and faster get mugging over and done with aiya. what the hell catch u soon alright

call me a princess and i'll buy you a rolce-royce

2004-12-13T20:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday
spent the entire day pigging with the koh! we dined at bakerzin, where i ate as LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. and shopped a bit at paragon. i cannot tahan his powersuit fetish. ended up buying 3 suits. price, i refuse to say. and he said i look good in heels. haha.

he was so sweet, bought me nice chocolates again. although mister-mystic prefers not to talk about such stuff. chocs are aphrodisiac you know darling? haha, u sweet little pumpkin. gor.. when are u leaving forgot to ask you.

BEcause i felt as if i sinned a zillion miles. i went swimming at night. i feel like an athelete now. 30 laps. heard there's this underground swimming thing at my office. gonna dip a few laps when i can soon.

today
well. guess where the fuck i am again? the bloody ever so boring club again. surfing the stupid cable they have here where i have to pay a dollar for every quarter of an hour i utilize it for.

sometimes i feel so damn dumb. just 'cause i don't like gambling. i wonder why i don't. maybe that's why luck's always been by my side.

mmmms.

work was pretty alright. lunched with mom in chinatown and shopped a lot during lunch in dorothy perkins. i rubberised the one hours' lunchbreak to 2.5 hours. hahaha shit i'm being paid for nothing.

i feel happy today. load and burdens off my back.

i suddenly feel like i don't like you anymore. like nothing was ever meant to be. but it doesn't matter. it's the union of us that makes it entirely more meaningful.

this club is where we played when we were kids. (: i missed those days. the days where platonic relationships were all our heads were filled with. after playing in the club we'd go to tropicana with our parents and have high tea where we'd go to our secret playground at the back. oh yes. we'd go on cruises togets. plus paris and london too..

oh what memories. just the 4 of us. and all 3 of you used to bully me! -humphs. suddenly its all but a distant memory...

i'll upload photos of us when we were young! haha gonna be quite cool.

REPLIES:

danks>>
YOU'RE DAMN MEAN TO ME. but at the same time you're such a sweetie. i gave you a whole lot of credit in today's blog alright. and i just realised i forgot to mention we had prata at night. which is making me so fat. you are a sucker. make me eat and eat and eat but say i'm fat. YOURE A MEANIE.

vicks>>
yah HAHAH. i think it's the same thing for every single person whose breasts are real. if you were wondering - me was referring to the women race. hahah. 'cept for that 0.00001% of female population who think their really cool to be on time. haha.

kim>>
what you mean? last time cannot comment.....? we've been through shit. man. but i guess i'm over it right now. i think i should be. crying is really just part and parcel of what us girls have to endure through good times and bad alike. i just wish to be less vulnerable. i love you k.

jo>>
if i had a chance. mmmms. i think i'd still choose that the relationship the flirting and everything still did happen. 'cause to me everything was just so magical. so surreal. so untouchable yet you're still feeling it. i guess this is what you call sweet memories. tell me we're meeting soon. i've this feeling we've got lots to share.

junlynn>>
hahhaa.. can't stand you. alright i'll msg you right in this instant. i missed you a ton in a bun darling can't wait to officially meet you lah!